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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25260829">Coming Together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieRose101/pseuds/EllieRose101'>EllieRose101</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Episode: s04e03 The Harsh Light of Day, F/M, Season/Series 04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25260829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieRose101/pseuds/EllieRose101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The sexual tension that has been building between Spike and Buffy since their first meeting finally comes to a head when he returns to Sunnydale for the Gem of Amara and doesn't give it up so easily. In the aftermath of a day of passion, both Buffy and Spike struggle to move on. Now they must decide if they want to have an actual relationship, and how that might work in a world where the odds are stacked against them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spike/Buffy Summers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Tooth and Nail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Rated explicit for sexual content. There is also a lot of bad language (blame Spike), violence, and a character death, but not a major one (at least not in my opinion. Some people may disagree). </p><p>Part one was originally written as part of a round robin challenge, so if you recognise it, that's why.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I mean, that must have totally screwed up the timeline. Who <em>knows </em>what could have changed?”</p>
<p>Spike glared at her.</p>
<p>"What?” said Buffy. “I'm just saying."</p>
<p>"You're stalling for time. Worn you out, have I? Not ready to go again?"</p>
<p>She narrowed her eyes. “I’m actually giving <em>you</em> a break. You know, because I’m nice.”</p>
<p>Spike shook, his whole body taken over by a fit of hearty laughter. “You are lots of things, Slayer. <em>Nice</em> ain’t one of them.”</p>
<p>Well, that did it. Buffy bounced to her feet and swiftly kicked Spike in the head as he tried to rise after her. And even though he fell back down and looked really dazed, he was grinning.</p>
<p>Her hands went to her hips. “Now what?”</p>
<p>“The high kick,” said Spike in a leer, “really showed off the lack of panties.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, god!</em> Buffy felt her whole body blush as her hands left her side and automatically hugged themselves around her middle. She’d had sex with Spike. Sex with Spike had been had. By her. <em>Oh, god! </em></p>
<p>Spike sighed and kipped to his feet, successfully this time, the impressiveness of the move somehow not diminished by the fact his pants were still undone. “No need to be bashful, pet.” He leaned close, his fingers hovering a hair’s breadth from her cheek before she pulled just out of reach.</p>
<p>“You don’t get to touch me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really.” They circled each other, unblinking eyes offering and accepting the challenge written there. “That’s not what you were saying twenty minutes ago. And an hour ago.” The grin spread itself wide across Spike’s face again. “And the hour before that.”</p>
<p>Buffy went for a left hook but he dodged it, catching her in the gut before backing off a little. She didn’t let Spike get far before swiping his legs out from under him and sending him crashing back to the ground. The moment after that, Buffy threw herself down on top of him, lost in a fresh tangle of lips and needy limbs.</p>
<p>She didn’t let herself think about it too much. She couldn’t afford to, because none of what was happening made any sense and trying to figure it out only led to headaches and why would she want one of those when she could have Spike under her again, doing all kinds of things to send her brain to Happy Land instead of Headache Central?</p>
<p>Spike ran his hands down Buffy’s sides until they reached the hem of her skirt. One satisfying stroke across her ass and he flipped the skirt up, pulled her hips down to meet his, and slid right back inside her as if the pause in proceedings had never happened.</p>
<p>Buffy gasped at the sensation of being filled again. She was tender but, <em>god</em>, she didn’t want to stop. She could still barely get her head around the fact that it had started in the first place, or even what ‘it’ was.</p>
<p>The day had been just like any other, except with the Parker weirdness, but then bam! Spike was suddenly there in the college quad in the middle of the day, bathed in sunlight and spoiling for a fight. Buffy had given it to him, because of course she had, and everything after that happened in a rush. He kicked her and she punched him and on and on until campus security showed up and they had to run away to somewhere more secluded, because Buffy couldn’t let Spike go and he wasn’t exactly going to stop.</p>
<p>They ran inside the first seemingly empty building they came to, still throwing and landing punches, and Spike crowed between panting breaths about having found his magic gem thingy and how it meant this was it, the final fight they’d been putting off for the two years since he first rolled into her town and said he was gonna kill her.</p>
<p>That part, at least, made sense to Buffy. Things only got complicated when the fight kept going and neither of them could get the upper hand. Buffy was a little stronger than Spike and he was a little faster than her and that usually meant they were pretty evenly matched, except the ring on his finger meant he was healing instantly and even if she had knocked him back hard enough to stake him, it wouldn’t have mattered. So, they had a stalemate. Except neither of them still wanted to back down. Buffy couldn’t, because the second she did, Spike would kill her and go off to lay waste to the rest of the campus and the city and the world. And he knew that, because he must have, so he wasn’t stopping. Though at some point he started to get tired, and Buffy was definitely tired, and achy, and pissed off, too, so when he leaned in and tried to kiss her she angrily kissed him back without even thinking about it. Faith had always said slaying got a person hot, and she’d been really, really right, though Buffy of course hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time.</p>
<p>Now, with Spike, sex seemed like the natural conclusion to all of their hitting and twisting, ducking and slamming and nipping and scratching and pulling. He tried to bite and she bit him back, hard. And then they were kissing again, hands feverish with need. Time went sideways and at some point their nice, apparently empty building started to fill up with people so Spike and Buffy had to move again, on down a corridor and then a stairwell before ending up in a basement where they carried on fighting and violently kissing each other until the first wave of release washed over Buffy and she lay back, gasping for breath and wondering what in the hell she’d gotten herself tangled up in now.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was glorious. Buffy looked and felt and smelled gorgeous, the fight was epic, and Spike was triumphant, which all together made the whole thing better than he could have ever imagined. Sure, he hadn’t actually finished the Slayer off just yet – why would he do that when he was having so much fun? – but it would happen soon enough. He’d caught her, after all; claiming her body in ways he’d only dreamed about.</p>
<p>“Always thought fucking a slayer would be better than killing one,” he said, almost conversationally. At which she shoved him off and scrubbed the back of her hand across her mouth.</p>
<p>“You are so gross!”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Seems to suit you all right.”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” said Buffy, “about this is <em>right</em>.”</p>
<p>“Oh, stop with the disdain,” he scoffed. “It’s clearly a waste of your time.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s my time to waste,” said Buffy, in what had to be the worst comeback he’d ever heard.</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes and figured he’d have to spell things out to her so they could just bloody well get on with them already. “We both know this ends one of two ways, Slayer. You win and you can pretend our little time together didn’t happen, or I win and you won’t exactly be best placed for caring about it.”</p>
<p>She frowned at him as if thinking about it. “So… what are you saying?” she asked at last.</p>
<p>“I’m saying,” said Spike, “that we should just bloody well enjoy it while it lasts.”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head. “What are we even doing?”</p>
<p>Spike reached up and grabbed her arm, pulling her back into his lap. “You’re not listening. I’m saying it doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“But–”</p>
<p>He pressed his lips to hers and the rest of her words cut off in a little moan that brought a frisson of joy to his undead heart. Of course he didn’t know what the hell they were doing. Of course he’d asked himself that exact same bloody question, but it really didn’t matter, did it? Not now when they were still in the midst of whatever the fuck it was they were at. Thoughts and theories could come later, for whichever one of them survived. In the meantime, he just had to have her again.</p>
<p>When Spike had first kissed Buffy, it had been purely instinctual. He hadn’t thought it through much less envisioned her reciprocating, but he supposed now what they said was true: fighting and fucking weren’t really all that different. Not to creatures like them.</p>
<p>“Always knew fighting got you wet,” he told her now, “but this–”</p>
<p>She bit his lip. “Shut up!”</p>
<p>He chuckled. “Baby likes it rough, eh?”</p>
<p>Buffy hit him in the jaw. “I said, shut up.”</p>
<p>Well, two could play at that game. Spike pulled away and stood up, tugging his trousers back on.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” asked Buffy, but of course he didn’t answer, just swaggered a little distance away to where his shirt had landed, picking that up and putting it back on at a glacial pace, too.</p>
<p>“Spike!”</p>
<p>He turned to face her, tilting his head to the side in question, and she huffed out a frustrated breath. “You’re the one that said we shouldn’t think about….” She gestured ineffectually. “<em>Stuff</em>. How am I supposed to do that if you keep talking?”</p>
<p>“Talking’s not the same as thinking, love.”</p>
<p>She frowned again. “Clearly not for you.”</p>
<p>Spike hooked his thumbs through the belt loops of his trousers, idly wondering where he’d thrown his actual belt. He did a quick scan of the room but didn’t see it. In truth, he didn’t actually know where they were, or when they’d got there. Something in his gut told it was early evening, which mystified him because it had been early afternoon when they’d started, and he knew they’d been taking their time, but that much of it? No, it didn’t compute. It wasn’t bloody well supposed to, he reminded himself. Hadn’t he just been telling Buffy there was no point trying to process any of it?</p>
<p>“And anyway,” she continued. “You got all glare-y when I tried to start a conversation before. So, I can’t talk but you can say whatever you want?”</p>
<p>Spike frowned, because she did have a point there. “At least what I’m saying is on topic,” he countered. “Wasn’t looking to start up a discussion about life, the universe, and everything.”</p>
<p>“I was<em> so</em> on topic,” said Buffy.</p>
<p>He gaped at her. “You were talking about alternative bloody timelines!”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, because–”</p>
<p>That was enough. Annoyed that his little power play hadn’t worked, Spike stomped back over to Buffy and went back to Plan A: kissing her. Or, no, wait. Killing her had been Plan A. Kissing her was Plan B.</p>
<p>Buffy shoved him away again. “You can’t just try and shut me up every time I want to say something,” she fumed. “I’m not Harmony.”</p>
<p><em>Bloody hell.</em> “I’m well fucking aware you’re not that halfwit. There’s no sodding comparison.”</p>
<p>Buffy paused as if asking herself if that was a good thing or not and Spike sighed. “She’s not a patch on you, all right? Can we please get back to the shagging already?”</p>
<p>“No,” said Buffy, grabbing his ankle so he fell on his arse.</p>
<p>Well, that was fine by Spike, because he knew if she was scrapping again they’d eventually work their way back up to kissing and beyond. There was no way on earth he was done with her yet.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It wasn’t fair. For the number of times Buffy had found her release, she was more wound up than ever. Spike was a total jerk, even if he had kind of complimented her by saying Harmony didn’t compare to her, but it wasn’t much of a compliment, because duh! <em>Of course</em> Harmony didn’t compare, she was Harmony! Speaking of which…. Buffy supposed her face must have displayed some of the horror that had just flashed through her, because Spike paused in his assault on her midsection and looked over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“What? What is it?”</p>
<p>“Harmony!” exclaimed Buffy. God, she felt sick now.</p>
<p>“Eh?” Spike looked around again. “She’s not here. What are you going on about?”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head. “You’re dating Harmony. You’re in a relationship!”</p>
<p>Both of Spike’s eyebrows went up. “And?” he prompted after a long moment.</p>
<p>She slapped him on the chest. “And that makes me a boyfriend stealer! God, what the hell am I doing?”</p>
<p>“Me!” said Spike. “Don’t bloody stop now!”</p>
<p>Something about the desperation in his voice made her pause and consider him again. “You!” she accused. “You’re supposed to be Mr. Loyalty. Mr. Devotion!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, to <em>Drusilla</em>,” said Spike. “Not to sodding Harmony. She’s nothing!”</p>
<p>Buffy slapped him in the chest again. All of this was too much and she actually wanted to cry with how awful it was. “What makes guys think they can just– just<em> bone</em> someone and not even care about them, huh?”</p>
<p>Spike was looking at her like she was insane, which, yeah, okay, she did feel pretty crazy, but that didn’t make her point invalid.</p>
<p>“This is about that bloke out on the quad, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“What? No!” <em>Oh, it so totally is. How did I not see that?</em></p>
<p>“Listen, Slayer, I–”</p>
<p>“No!” She went to slap Spike a third time but he caught her wrist and twisted. “I don’t want to listen!”</p>
<p>“Then forget about it and kiss me!”</p>
<p>She did. She shouldn’t have, and she kind of hated herself for it, but Buffy kissed Spike and felt almost okay again for like a full minute until she needed to pull back for air. “God! What’s wrong with me?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” said Spike. “Absolutely nothing.”</p>
<p>Buffy stared at him and he shook himself a little, eyes narrowing.</p>
<p>“I mean, I think you’re a bitch, right? Still gonna off you the first chance I get, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Buffy, “totally.” Because what else could she say? Her head was spinning and Spike being almost nice to her with his backwards compliments only made it worse. Easy insults were just so much more… well, easy. No brain power required.</p>
<p>This would have been the point in a disastrous battle where Buffy would run away and gather her senses, call a Scooby Meeting and figure out a plan, but A, there was no way she could tell her friends and Giles what had gone down and B, she still felt trapped by the situation. Spike was dangerous – way more dangerous than he’d ever been before – and she couldn’t just let him go, but she was so tired of fighting and all of the thoughts hurt – maybe he’d been right about just refusing to talk about what they were doing – so she stood there, staring at Spike until he put his hands on her again and made reality fade away for a little while more.</p>
<p>Things were going kind of okay again until Spike got on his knees. Buffy looked at him dizzily, wondering what on earth he was doing until, suddenly, she realized exactly what he was doing – or trying to do – and she pulled him back to his feet.</p>
<p>“What?” he said, hands raised placatingly. “I just wanted a taste.”</p>
<p>Buffy gaped at him. Because whoa, mind blown! Guys actually liked that? It wasn’t just something some of them did out of obligation or whatever? “Spike, you can’t<em> taste</em> me!”</p>
<p>“And why not?” he challenged. “Promise I won’t bite.” He winked at her. Actually winked at her!</p>
<p>“Not funny! I’m all….” She shifted uncomfortably. “Well, you know.”</p>
<p>His head cocked to the side. “You’re all what?”</p>
<p>God, she hated herself. And him too for making her spell it out. “I’m gross, Spike! We’ve been having sex for, like, hours already!”</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>Her eyes widened. How was he not getting this? “You came a bunch of times,” she whispered, her cheeks burning with shame. “I’m all… sticky.”</p>
<p>Spike grinned and leaned a little closer. “So let me clean you up.”</p>
<p>How? How did he manage to make it sound good? How was she even considering this? They were supposed to be fighting to the death! What the hell kind of alternate reality did they fall into?</p>
<p>Buffy put a hand to Spike’s chest to still him and it worked. He stopped advancing, stopped smiling and just stood there watching her. “Listen, I know you said we shouldn’t try and figure out what we’re doing, but I think that ship has sailed. I’m really freaking out here.”</p>
<p>“Might have noticed that,” said Spike. He ran a hand down her arm in a way that seemed absentminded to him and was soothing to her but that only upped Buffy’s wiggins even more.</p>
<p>She bit her lip. “If I wanted to put this whole thing on hold for a minute – or, like, an hour – would you do that?” </p>
<p>Spike’s hand paused on her arm. “On hold to do what?”</p>
<p>“Um….” She shrugged but it was anything but casual. “Go to the bathroom. Shower. Eat. Take a siesta, I don’t know, this is all just a lot!”</p>
<p>“Hardly a normal request for a fight to the death,” said Spike, but it looked like he was maybe considering it anyway.</p>
<p>“This is hardly a normal fight to the death,” said Buffy.</p>
<p>“Okay, point,” he allowed. Then, after another pause, he said, “All right then. You sort yourself, get your head back in the game and I’ll meet you in–”</p>
<p>“Ooh, no!” said Buffy, taking a firm hold of his hand. “You think I’m dumb enough to let you out of my sight?”</p>
<p>Spike stared at where she’d grabbed him and the intensity of the look – surprise? Pleasure? – made her self-conscious enough to let him go again. He looked back up to her eyes and held her gaze. “So, what? You’re gonna take me to the bathroom with you?”</p>
<p>“No, I….” She groaned. “I don’t know! All of this is crazy, and it’s your fault!”</p>
<p>“My fault! What did I do?”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes. “Nothing, except for coming back to my town –<em> again</em> – and finding a stupid magic ring that makes fighting you way unfair, and dating <em>Harmony</em>, and being confusing, and kissing me, and–”</p>
<p>“I don’t regret the kissing,” said Spike, which effectively cut off the rest of her list.</p>
<p>She considered him, totally ignoring the part of her brain that was screaming that it didn’t regret the kissing either, and figured this was the best she was going to get. “Let’s just go back to my dorm,” she said.</p>
<p>“All right,” agreed Spike, and they set off side by side, Buffy not letting Spike out of her sight once.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>When they arrived at Buffy’s hall of residence, the Slayer let Spike into her room and both made him promise not to touch anything and threatened to kill him, “for real,” if he touched anything, then went off to the bathroom.</p>
<p>He lay back on her bed, his hands behind his head, and wondered what on earth was going to happen next. Yes, he’d advocated for no thinking at all, but Buffy had been right about being well past that. Thankfully, there wasn’t opportunity to ponder on it long before she slammed her way back into the room and gave him the stink eye.</p>
<p>“Haven’t moved,” he assured her. “You done already?”</p>
<p>“Bathroom visit complete,” she said. “Shower next.”</p>
<p>He watched her but she didn’t move. By the look on her face, it seemed she was tallying odds. “So, you coming or not?” she said at last, cheeks red and eyes hard, whole body held in tension.</p>
<p>Spike sprung up from the bed and backed her up against the bedroom door, kissing her until she’d thawed just a little. Then, with a grin, he grabbed her hand and they were off down the hall.</p>
<p>Never stopped surprising him, his Slayer. He could tell from the brief return of her shyness that she’d never had shower sex before, but damn if she wasn’t eager to try. And as much as he stood by his point that being covered in him was a feature rather than a flaw, he saw now the benefit of cleaning her off, which was of course that he could muss her up all over again. That, and it effectively eradicated the objection she had to him tasting her, though he didn’t know if she’d realized that yet or not.</p>
<p>God, he wanted her on his tongue more than anything in the world. Spike had briefly thought he’d wait until he got her back in her bedroom, but looking at her standing in the steady stream of water, it flowing all over her, down her breasts and between her legs, he knew he couldn’t wait.</p>
<p>So he kneeled, draped her thighs over his shoulders and gave her a long lick that had her quivering against him, spreading her legs wider, and gasping; threading a hand through his hair and using it as leverage to push his mouth closer to her glorious cunt.</p>
<p>His eyes closed of their own accord as he savored her. She wasn’t long in coming undone around him, but he didn’t stop. <em>Couldn’t </em>stop. One last swirl of his tongue against her clit and he moved lower to slide it inside her. Spike was all for worshiping her like that for the foreseeable, but all too soon she had released his head and was shoving at his shoulders until he backed up and she stared down at him, pushing him down to the floor of the shower where she lowered herself back onto his straining prick.</p>
<p>Buffy hissed and he swore against her shoulder, starting to pump up into her in time with her heartbeat, which just kept speeding up and up until she exploded again.</p>
<p>“Oh, god, how do you do that?” she demanded.</p>
<p>“Good partner,” said Spike. “You’re doin’ half the work yourself.”</p>
<p>“But, but–” She moaned, her head falling back as he continued to move, seeking his own release. It wasn’t too far behind hers, but still he didn’t want what they had to end. Spike tried to get the Slayer all stoked up again, but she shook her head and dismounted.</p>
<p>“If I ever want to walk again, there’s gonna have to be breaks.”</p>
<p>He pouted but let her pull him back to his feet. They quickly sudsed up and rinsed off before running back down the hall and into her room, where they collapsed onto the bed, Buffy burying her head on Spike’s chest and Spike laying kisses on the top of her head.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but the shaky foundation they’d been standing on had shifted again and he was tumbling, falling, sliding into some new place and suddenly killing the girl in his arms was the furthest thing from Spike’s mind.</p>
<p>That gave him a start. It very much sounded like Buffy was on the verge of sleep, which was an affront to the threat he should be posing, even if he had agreed to put their battle on hold. Just before she drifted the rest of the way off and left him with nothing more than to breathe her in and enjoy the weight of her on his stomach and start thinking all the dangerous thoughts about how much that possibility excited him, he asked a question.</p>
<p>“Mmm?” Buffy’s head shifted to the side a little so she could look at him through half-lidded eyes. “What was that?”</p>
<p>“You really believe that alternative universes guff?” repeated Spike.</p>
<p>Buff paused for a moment before shrugging lazily against him. “I don’t know. Maybe.”</p>
<p>"You think there's a universe where I beat you really easily?" Spike pressed and she laughed.</p>
<p>"As if! What about a world where I hit you in the face and just take the ring, over and done in like ten seconds?”</p>
<p>Spike raised an eyebrow. “Just like that?”</p>
<p>“Just like that.” He shook his head and Buffy sighed. “Yeah, I’m not so sure either.”</p>
<p>There was silence for a little while, but the brief return to conversation seemed to have done the trick and saved Spike from the indignity of having the Slayer fall asleep on him. By the sound of her breathing now, she was as awake as he was. He could practically hear her mind whirring away, and damn if that wasn’t just as dangerous.</p>
<p>“I could have gotten the ring,” she said at last.</p>
<p>He stared at her, surprised again, his whole body tensed but brain entirely lost for a thing to say.</p>
<p>“In the shower,” said Buffy. “And probably earlier, too. There were times when you were so….” She paused and blushed. “You were, uh, <em>caught up</em>, and I could have used the opportunity against you, but I didn’t.” Her expression turned sad and she turned her head a little away. “I’m like the worst Chosen One ever.”</p>
<p>The instinct to correct her – to comfort her – rose up in Spike but he bit it back. “Why didn’t you?” he asked instead.</p>
<p>Buffy swallowed and took so long in answering he thought she wasn’t going to, but finally she said, “I didn’t want it to end.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck.</em> His undead heart swelled. Spike found himself wanting to give himself to Buffy all over again, but different. Whole devotion. Everything she deserved.</p>
<p>“So maybe we have a truce,” he said, barely knowing what he was suggesting. Anything to keep what they had, whatever the fuck it was, without getting any deeper; risking anything else, though that was likely a lost cause too.</p>
<p>“What kind of truce?” She was looking at him again, her eyes big and innocent, looking as terrified as he felt.</p>
<p>Spike trailed a hand down her arm until his fingers found hers. It was a stalling tactic, but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know anything more than she did.</p>
<p>“We don’t kill each other,” he said, because he saw the foolishness of that now. It was a waste, to take this girl out of the world. It needed more of her, not less. <em>He </em>needed more.</p>
<p>A small smile tugged at Buffy’s lips. “We would still fight?”</p>
<p>“Of course!” he exclaimed, because what kind of question was that? Yes, they would fight, and everything else besides.</p>
<p>Buffy’s smile got wider and he had to kiss her. He leaned up into her and she pressed her body down on top of his and he melted around her. “What else?” she asked then, tracing invisible patterns across the flesh of his chest.</p>
<p>“This,” said Spike, and he kissed her again. And again, and again.</p>
<p>She sighed happily and moved around until she was under his arm, staring at the ceiling. “It’s a fantasy, though,” she said. “It wouldn’t work.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” he asked, angry that she would suggest such a thing.</p>
<p>Buffy pointedly touched a finger to his ring. “You’re, what? Gonna give up killing? Live a life without bloodshed?”</p>
<p>He clamped his mouth shut, more furious than ever because, fuck, she was right. Why did she have to be right? Yes, it was a fantasy, but he wanted it.</p>
<p>“I’ll go, then,” he said, mollified by the sudden bereft look that crossed her face.</p>
<p>“I can’t let you go,” she said, which twisted his insides, because he was sure she didn’t mean it in the way he wanted her to mean it. Buffy confirmed the terrible theory on the next breath by saying, “I can’t let you keep the ring and go on killing and–”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said, cutting her off, because he couldn’t bear to hear it. And he <em>did</em> know. He understood exactly which barrel he had her over, because it was the same one she had him over. There was an impasse, and one of them would have to move.</p>
<p>Spike kissed her forehead again, feeling dizzy from all the possibilities flashing to life inside his brain only to shut themselves off again just as quick. It didn’t feel real. Any of it. He felt like he was sleepwalking as he disentangled himself from Buffy and stood up, crossing to her door. And he pretended he had no power at all to stop her as she followed him, pressing him there and slipping the gem from his finger, because powerless was exactly what he felt.</p>
<p>“You know if you come back here I’m not gonna have a choice,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to just….”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said again, wishing she would stop talking; stop speaking all the true things that he wasn’t ready for.</p>
<p>As he walked alone through the night to his car and started up the engine, smelling Buffy’s scent still against his skin and not caring about what else he was leaving behind except for her, another true thing settled on him.  </p>
<p>After the day he’d had, Spike didn’t think he knew anything anymore, but one thing he was certain of was that he was sure as hell going to see Buffy again. And maybe she would end him after all. And maybe he’d let her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Unfinished Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy had thought she understood regret. After all, she’d had plenty of it in her life so far. Way more than any other eighteen-year-old, she’d bet. Because what was the Parker thing, and all of the Angel stuff if not lots and lots of regret and guilt fodder? Who else could say their first time turned someone evil, indirectly almost ended the world, and then sent someone to hell instead? Buffy’s second time wasn’t as bad as all that, but a good time that left both parties happy and undamaged it was not. </p>
<p>What happened with Spike…. That was different. Even if Buffy couldn’t figure out exactly why. Wasn’t there a saying about that? The third time being a charm, or something? She didn’t know if that was quite the word she’d use for it, but despite knowing she should regret sleeping with him, she just… didn’t. What she regretted was letting him go. She could justify<em> that</em> regret by saying that whatever murders Spike was committing now were because of her weakness in just letting him leave town again, and she did feel bad about that, but the real regret – that she felt <em>really </em>guilty about – was that he wasn’t around to keep touching her.</p>
<p>The most awful part of it was, she missed him. How messed up was that? They’d only spent part of a single day together, and most of that fighting, and yet her body hadn’t settled since. It was itching to do it all again, because it had made her feel alive like nothing else ever had before.</p>
<p>Terrifying as that realization was, Buffy didn’t know how to process it, what to do with it, so she sat on her bed where Spike had held her – Spike had<em> held </em>her! – and stared at the ring in her outstretched palm. She’d briefly toyed with the idea of sending it to Angel – Oz had said he was heading to LA for a gig and could easily drop it off on the way – but Buffy had hesitated. She’d wanted to hold on to it, because it felt personal somehow. It was too weird to think of Angel wearing it, when it had been the whole catalyst of Buffy sleeping with Spike.</p>
<p>That made her feel guilty again, the fact that she was putting her feelings above doing this amazing thing for Angel, giving him access to daylight and keeping him safe. She should probably just get over herself, right? Do the right thing no matter how much it sucked. Except… god, what would happen if Angel somehow became Angelus again, who was already super hard to kill on like two levels, but had the ring on top? Buffy shuddered. It probably would never happen – he knew to be careful, now. He’d moved away just so he was safe from her – but… but sending him the ring was still a risk. It could make him a target. Other vamps from all over would eventually hear about it, and they’d come after him and if there were enough of them at once, they could overpower him and take the ring and, no. She shook her head. Whichever way the scenario played out, it was too dangerous. There were too many factors.</p>
<p>So long as Buffy had the ring, it was safe. It was safe and… and maybe if she held onto it, Spike would come back and try and get it from her again. That thought fluttered in her stomach, and wrong as it was, she knew that was the outcome she’d been anticipating. Craving, like some kind of perverted… pervert.</p>
<p>It had not gone unnoticed that the first two times Spike arrived in Sunnydale, the welcome sign had gotten knocked down. He didn’t do it that last time, but he’d been trying to keep a low profile. So Buffy figured if – and when? She had to hope it was a ‘when’ – he came back again, he’d specifically be looking for her and wouldn’t care about subtlety and go with his instinct, so she’d gone as far as asking Willow to set up a kind of spell on the sign, something that would ping her if anything happened to it. Buffy didn’t know how it worked, but she trusted that it did, and hoped it would. That was really all she could do, for now.</p>
<p>Grudgingly, she got up and slid the ring in her pocket before moving over to the dorm room door. <em>Just gotta get on with life</em>, she thought to herself, only to gasp a little in surprise when the door burst open and Willow was there, suddenly, eyes wide.</p>
<p>“Buffy, you’re here!”</p>
<p>“Was I not supposed to be?”</p>
<p>Willow shook her head. “We’ve got trouble!”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Three days, it took him. Three sodding days for Spike to get all the way back to Sunnyhell.</p>
<p>Back to Buffy.</p>
<p>The journey would have been a damn sight quicker if bloody Border Patrol hadn’t been such wankers, but even without them, the whole endeavor was seriously fucked. Not only that, but the preceding plan to get very far away very fucking fast and try to forget the Slayer once and for all was clearly doomed from the outset as well. Wild bloody goose chase, it was. He could see that now.</p>
<p>Three hours on the road and he’d been in Tijuana getting shitfaced off tequila in some dive bar and chatting up some blonde bit of skirt, but his heart hadn’t been in it. She swished off to the dancefloor, occasionally looking over her shoulder to see if he was watching, or was going to follow, but he really couldn’t be arsed.</p>
<p>He could have had a bed for the night – a nice cunt to get real comfy in – and a throat to claim as his own but, damn it all, he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Buffy had well and truly gotten under his skin and he couldn’t think straight.</p>
<p>He didn’t want anyone else.</p>
<p>Fuck what he’d said about Harmony not holding a candle to the Slayer – <em>no one</em> came close to the fire of her. Sick as it was, Buffy even made <em>Drusilla</em> seem unappealing.</p>
<p>At that startling realization, Spike waved the barkeep over, gratefully drinking whatever he brought him, and he’d slept right there in the bar that night, half slumped in his seat and half sprawled out on the table, one side of his face in a sticky puddle of beer and cigarette ash. The staff had let him be for reasons unknown. Maybe they’d figured out what he was, or maybe they just didn’t care and were accustomed to drunkards never going home. At any rate, Spike eventually woke up with a stinking hangover and terrible sense of regret. Right there and then was when he realized there was no point fighting it. No more ‘maybe’ he’d see Buffy again ‘someday.’ No. He needed her then. Perhaps he’d always needed her.</p>
<p>On a whim he ordered some hair of the dog – a Bloody Mary with actual blood – and was pleasantly surprised when the barkeep brought him just that. The pleasure ended upon his first sip, however. Took him a second to place the taste, but best he could figure it, the blood was coyote, of all things.</p>
<p>Far too gamey.</p>
<p>Sickened, Spike left the rest of the drink abandoned and was so out of his head he actually paid his bar tab on the way out the door. He was halfway back to the border before he even realized.</p>
<p>On his way into Mexico he’d driven right through the border at speed, and he figured he’d do much the same on the way back out, except his first crossing seemed to have resulted in upped security. It was almost as if they were waiting for him.</p>
<p>In the past, even double the amount of guards pointing shiny weapons at him wouldn’t have given him much pause, and even if he had stopped it would have simply been to eat and disarm them all, possibly in that order, but now…. God help him, but Spike was trying to get into the good books of Buffy bloody Summers. It wouldn’t matter that she’d likely never find out about it, he wanted to play it straight. He didn’t often care about things, but when he did, he went the whole hog. No half measures.</p>
<p>And if he wanted Buffy, he’d have to win her, and that meant real change; meant turning his back on his whole nature and hundred-plus years of experience just for a chance with her, but god she was worth it. He’d spent the best part of a single day fighting and fucking her and he was head over bloody heels, no going back. This, he knew about himself. So he had to try.</p>
<p>When he was inevitably stopped, he’d played along with the rigmarole of passport checking and various other bits of nonsense. And there was of course the slight hiccup that he didn’t have a passport, or even a last name.</p>
<p>Spike tried flirting with the officers – both male and female – but to no avail. He tried bribing them, but that only spurred more questions, about where he got the cash and why there was blood on it. In the end, he’d ended up detained for forty-eight fucking hours as they conducted a breathalyzer test (which failed, because he stopped his breathing), and searched the trunk of his car. And the backseat of his car. And the glovebox, and under the sodding wheel arches, too.</p>
<p>Despite his resolution not to bite any of the people holding him back from honeyed Slayer skin, Spike had to give in and flash some fang and bumpies to finally secure his release. At which point, he was so bloody done and infuriatingly sober.</p>
<p>First stop as soon as he was back within Sunnydale city limits was Willy’s bar for a spot of planning and Dutch courage. He didn’t want to get hammered again, but he did want to brace himself before showing up on Buffy’s doorstep.  </p>
<p>Thoughts about what he’d say, and how she’d react, were interrupted by two fledglings in the corner of the bar loudly talking about how Buffy had been kidnapped.</p>
<p>Spike paused to make sure he was hearing right. Something was most definitely off in the way the fledges were casting furtive looks around, and the way they were modulating their voices, like bad stage actors pretending to quietly plot something but still wanting their voices to carry the length of an auditorium. Spike snatched one of them up by the throat, but he professed not to know anything more than what he and his buddy had already said.</p>
<p>After Spike staked him, the other one was much more obliging in offering directions to where the Slayer was supposedly held captive. He even admitted that, yes, they’d been tasked with casually spreading the word around.</p>
<p>“Cheers, mate,” said Spike, releasing him with a slap on the back.</p>
<p>Too bad for the fledge that Spike still had a stake held between his fingers when he delivered the slap. At least it was a swifter end than what Buffy might have given to him. And this way, he didn’t see it coming.</p>
<p>Heartsick and head reeling, Spike knew he had to check out the veracity of the tall tale for himself. The fact that whoever’s ingenious plan it was wanted people to know, but didn’t want those same people to know that they were supposed to know screamed an obvious trap, so instead of going straight for the cave he’d been directed to, Spike abandoned yet another drink and sprinted to the college campus, where he found Buffy’s dorm room door closed but not locked, her scent recent but herself very much gone. On top of that, the whole room stank of tears and misery. And that was enough. Trap or not, he had to go to the cave. Had to check it out. Maybe he’d have to mount a rescue attempt, maybe he’d get there just in time to watch Buffy rescue herself, or maybe he’d get a chance to prove himself to her one way or the other and it would all work out for the best.</p>
<p>Fat fucking chance.</p>
<p>Spike found the cave. He ran in, poised for battle, and stopped short. He looked around and sniffed, not finding a hint of Buffy’s scent anywhere. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he turned to be faced with… with….</p>
<p>“Harmony?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p><em>Twenty Minutes Earlier</em> </p>
<p>“Trouble?” questioned Buffy. “The sign dropped? You got a ping? Already?” She bounced on the balls of her feet, stupidly excited, but Willow bit her lip, looking at her like she was crazy.</p>
<p>“It dropped,” she affirmed, “but there’s something else.”</p>
<p>Buffy stopped bouncing. “Oh, god, what now?”</p>
<p>“Well, uh….” Willow rubbed the back of her neck. “Oz knows a couple of demons. Totally non-violent, non-evil ones!”</p>
<p>“<em>Okay</em>,” said Buffy slowly, a little annoyed she hadn’t been told this before, but, well, it wasn’t that bad of a secret and it wasn’t like Buffy herself hadn’t been hiding something much, much bigger.</p>
<p>“So, these demons,” continued Willow. “The non-violent, non-evil demons. They….” She frowned a second longer before finally spitting it out. “They heard you’d been kidnapped?”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“I know,” said Willow. “By which I mean, I don’t know. I don’t get it either. But if there’s a rumor circulating, that can’t be good, right? Maybe something to do with Spike being back in town?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” said Buffy, though she doubted it. “Whatever’s going on, I’ll deal, but one thing at a time. Can you do a locator spell for Spike?”</p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p>Buffy gaped at her. “Nope? Like, not at all? Why?” She hoped to god she hadn’t figured something was up between her and Spike and was trying to keep them apart for their own good or whatever.</p>
<p>“I <em>could </em>do it,” clarified Willow, “in theory. The spell’s pretty simple, it’s just that I would need something of his, and obviously we don’t have–”</p>
<p>Oh. Buffy dug the Gem of Amara out of her pocket and handed it to her friend. “This’ll work?”</p>
<p>Willow eyed it. “What is–?”</p>
<p>“It’s Spike’s,” said Buffy. “Locator spell now, explanations later.”</p>
<p>Willow was looking at her again like she was terrified she’d been taken over by some kind of pod person.</p>
<p>“Please,” said Buffy. “I’ll tell you later. I swear.”</p>
<p>“O-okay,” said Willow. She took the ring in one hand and held out the little finger of her other hand. “Pinky swear?”</p>
<p>Buffy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the delay. She held out her pinky, shook Willow’s, and braced herself for whatever happened next.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Harmony.” Spike ground his teeth. “What the bloody fuck are you playing at?”</p>
<p>“Me?” she asked, voice innocent, before stalking towards him, hand on hip. “What am I playing at?” Her eyes narrowed and she slapped him. “You’re the one who slept with the Slayer, you freak!”</p>
<p>Bugger. That put him on the defensive. “Heard about that, did you?”</p>
<p>Harmony threw up her hands. “The whole town heard about it! Or….” She deflated a little. “Maybe just the demon half, but that’s still, like, a lot of people. Do you know how that makes me look?”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged and her eyes hardened again.</p>
<p>“Right. You don’t care about me at all.”</p>
<p>“Not a smidge.”</p>
<p>She tried to slap him a second time but he grabbed her wrist and yanked her towards him. “Harmony,” he growled, right in her face, “be a love and tell Spike <em>exactly</em> what the hell you’re playing at.” He twisted her arm and she yelped.</p>
<p>“I… I just….” She burst into tears and he swore, letting her go. “Why? Why did you sleep with her? Why <em>her</em>?”</p>
<p>“Because I–” Spike set his jaw, stopping himself just in time. The truth was on the tip of his tongue but he bit it back. “Don’t need to explain myself to you. We’re done, right? Thought the stake I shoved in your heart worked well enough as a break up. I don’t owe you a damn thing.”</p>
<p>Yeah, he was being nasty. Nastier than he needed to be, and nastier than he could allow himself to be in future – he’d have to find all kinds of ways to rein himself in, if everything went to plan and Buffy would only just give him the chance to be better – but his blood was up and Harmony was pushing it. She needed to know that if she wanted revenge on him, she needed to take it on him and leave the Slayer out of it.</p>
<p>“So,” he said, voice hard, “what was the grand plan, eh? Get me here and then, what? Annoy me to death?” He made a scoffing noise and looked around, taking in the hard lines of the cave. “And why here, of all fucking places?”</p>
<p>Harmony sniffled pathetically. “I wanted to see if you’d come after her. I needed to–” A sob escaped her. “Needed to know if you cared. For <em>her</em>.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Spike questioned, leaning into her personal space again. “And?”</p>
<p>Fear flashed in her eyes, like she was a gazelle who just realized they were lapping at a stream right next to a lion. With a poor attempt at confidence she said, “I knew you’d come. A-and when you did, I was–” She tossed her hair. “I’m going to capture you.”</p>
<p>Spike laughed. He couldn’t help it. She’d almost be cute if she wasn’t so damn infuriating. “Planning to seduce me, were you? Or torture me?” He shrugged his shoulders, supposing it was much the same thing.</p>
<p>Harmony stammered for a second before concluding defiantly, “I’m going to make you pay!”</p>
<p>She swung at Spike and he easily stepped back, out of the way and right into Buffy.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Buffy had heard enough. Enough of Harmony’s stupid, nonsensical plan, enough of her whining, and enough of Spike’s easy – almost too easy – dismissal of it. She blushed at the thought of all the demons in town knowing they’d got down and dirty, warmed at the news that Spike had actually, technically been broken up from Harmony when it had happened (why hadn’t he just told her that when she’d been freaking out, huh?), and finally, felt her blood sing at the sight of him again. Jerk that he was.</p>
<p>As well as everything else, Buffy was flustered from first having run all the way across town to Willy’s (who told her Spike had “just left”), back to Willow in one of the private study rooms of the college library (who gave Buffy Spike’s new location, along with a bunch more skeptical looks), and then finally this random cave in the middle of the woods.</p>
<p>She’d stepped fully into the cave at the same time Spike had stepped back, colliding with him, and now both he and Harmony were staring at her, clearly not sure who should move or speak first. Only at this point did it occur to Buffy that, despite all her pining for Spike to come back into her life, she didn’t have the first clue how to react to him.</p>
<p>Before she could settle on either a punch or a kiss, Harmony bolted, trying to run past Spike and Buffy both. Spike easily stopped her, holding her arm as she wriggled uselessly against him.</p>
<p>“Slayer,” he greeted coolly, ignoring the flailing vampire in his grasp.</p>
<p>“Spike,” said Buffy, her tone wary.</p>
<p>Harmony stopped wriggling and glared at both of them. “Let me<em> go</em>!”</p>
<p>Spike opened his mouth to reply, but Buffy got in first. “You gonna play nice?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No,” said Harmony with a pout.</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes while Spike exclaimed, “Bloody hell.”</p>
<p>“What?” said Harmony.</p>
<p>“You. You’re so sodding bad at this. You wanna be free? Your options are A, say yes and then actually do it, or B, fucking lie!”</p>
<p>Harmony paused, visibly processing the advice, then cast an uncertain look at Buffy. “I can so totally play nice?”</p>
<p>Spike shoved her further into the cave and told her to “hold tight a mo,” before turning back to Buffy. “Let me guess, you heard a rumor I’d been captured?”</p>
<p>“Not quite,” Buffy hedged. “You?”</p>
<p>He raised his chin but seemed a little embarrassed. “Came on a noble quest.”</p>
<p>“Clearly.”</p>
<p>They held each other’s gaze a moment longer, then both laughed to break the tension. From the corner of the cave, Harmony released a frustrated sigh, which they both ignored.</p>
<p>Buffy swallowed, twirling her stake in her hands. “So, you’re, um, back in town.”</p>
<p>“I am.”</p>
<p>“Me too.” <em>Wow, did I really say that? Stupid statement of the year!</em></p>
<p>Spike grinned. “Pleasure to see you, Slayer.”</p>
<p>Buffy blushed while Harmony said, “Ick.” Ignoring her was all well and good, but it was getting harder. Logic told Buffy she should deal with her first, then figure out what she was gonna say and/or do to Spike, but logic didn’t really feel all that appealy in the moment. It was ultimatum time and she really didn’t think her nerves could handle the wait.</p>
<p>“I told you that I couldn’t ask you to stop killing,” she began, because to hell with it, she might as well jump in the deep end.</p>
<p>“That you did.”</p>
<p>God, why did he have to talk like that? Using words without really saying anything, so she had to carry the conversation. “It was an unrealistic thing for me to expect,” she continued, “maybe unfair, even. But I also said I’d kill you if you came back.” She paused, and he watched her, waiting. “So you came back,” Buffy affirmed again. “That tells me either you want to die, or you’re willing to do something else….” She paused again, trying to figure out what was going on behind his eyes. Was that fear on his face? Hope?</p>
<p>When he still didn’t say anything, she concluded, “That, um… that thing I couldn’t ask of you, and couldn’t expect. Is that it? Is that your ‘something else’ option?”</p>
<p>Her heart hammered as she awaited an answer, and she felt a thousand shades of foolish, because why on earth would he have come back to tell her that, yeah, actually, he was gonna give up the very thing he needed to exist just for her? No. It was stupid. It was stupid and she was stupid. He was clearly just back in town to kill her. Or to try. Except he wasn’t trying anything. He could have gotten Harmony on his side to shift the odds in his favor, or even just used the distraction Harmony provided to get in the first blow, but instead he was looking at her with those eyes that seemed to hold twenty-five emotions at once.</p>
<p>At last – <em>at last!</em> – Spike went to reply. He got as far as, “Buffy, I–” before Harmony interrupted again.</p>
<p>“Do I really have to watch this?” she asked. “It’s kinda making me sick.”</p>
<p>Spike sighed. “Point of order,” he said to Buffy, “does the non-killing thing include non-humans?” His eyes shifted to Harmony. “Because bloody buggering hell I’m going to string her up!”</p>
<p>Harmony snapped her mouth closed and Buffy couldn’t help but smirk in amusement. It was probably wrong to be amused, but she was anyway. A few beats passed in which Spike looked back at Buffy, and she realized she actually was going to have to make a decision. Should one of them kill Harmony? Yes. She was an evil vampire who was going to kill people if they let her go. <em>Could</em> Buffy kill her? Again, yes. She’d killed Angel, she could handle Harmony. Except – she groaned at her own thoughts – did she <em>want</em> to kill Harmony? Yes, but also no. It was always weird killing someone you knew.</p>
<p>Buffy was half-way through chiding herself for putting herself in this awkward position by getting to know yet another vamp when she remembered that wasn’t quite it. She’d known Harmony when she was human. They’d gone to High School together. It wasn’t like she’d been hanging out with her while undead; wasn’t like they’d slept together, and spent hours bickering, and talking, and had showered together, and…. Buffy looked at Spike again, swallowing hard. <em>And cuddled.</em></p>
<p>God, there were so many looks being shared, and there was so much in each one of them. Right now, Spike looked as conflicted as Buffy felt. Because she’d let him go. She’d be a hypocrite if she didn’t do the same for Harmony, but she couldn’t just let vampires keep on killing. <em>Worst Slayer ever</em>, she reminded herself, as she weighed her integrity against human lives.</p>
<p>In the end, the deliberation took too long and Harmony forced the decision. Buffy had made the mistake of underestimating her; of not taking the threat of her seriously enough, and not staying on her guard. </p>
<p>She and Spike were lost in another one of those meaningful sharings of looks, and Harmony launched herself at Buffy, using the element of surprise to knock her to the ground. Buffy was so surprised that Harmony actually got as far as grazing her neck with her teeth before Spike shoved her off. </p>
<p>Buffy watched in slow motion as he lifted the stake she’d dropped, loomed over Harmony where she lay in the dirt, then struck it home with only a moment’s hesitation.</p>
<p>Harmony didn’t have the chance to utter another word.  </p>
<p>Buffy stared in disbelief, her hand going to her neck. The wound didn’t feel in any way substantial, but she was shocked by it all the same. After the prolonged standoff, it was all over in seconds. </p>
<p>Spike hadn’t saved her, exactly – she had no doubt she’d have been able to get back the upper hand and successfully deal with Harmony herself – but he had acted on instinct in Buffy’s defense and that… that meant something.</p>
<p>“You all right?” he asked now, offering her his hand. He was panting a little, though that had clearly little to do with the small amount of action he’d taken. No. His blood must be flaring as much as Buffy’s was.</p>
<p>Yes, it was definitely harder when you knew the person you had to kill. </p>
<p>Buffy took Spike’s offered hand but struggled for words, finally realizing that she couldn’t answer – that she didn’t<em> know</em> what her answer could be – until she heard what he’d been going to say before.</p>
<p>“My ultimatum,” she said. “You, uh…. Are you…?” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the question, but they both knew what she was asking.</p>
<p>Very slowly, and carefully, Spike slipped to his knees in front of her. Right there in the middle of Harmony’s ashes. “I’ll do anything,” he vowed, presenting Buffy her stake in his outstretched palm. “Whatever you want, Slayer. Buffy.”</p>
<p>She considered him one long moment longer, took a tight hold of the stake – mostly to counteract how badly she was trembling – and then threw it away. “That’s what I needed to hear.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Testing the Waters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tension in the cave continued to fizzle and pop. This time, Buffy held out her hand and Spike took it, rising again to his feet. After a long pause where they continued to stare at each other, she said, “So, how does this work?”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged, but the movement was far from casual. It looked like every muscle in his back and shoulders was tensed. “I don’t bloody know, do I? Not like there’s any advice out there, guide books for dating your mortal enemy.”</p>
<p>“No guide books,” agreed Buffy, trying not to get caught on the word <em>dating</em>, “but you imagined it working.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Spike, eyeing her a little… warily? Heatedly? Was it both? It looked like both. “I imagined some stuff.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Feeling brave, she stepped closer to him. “Tell me what you imagined.”</p>
<p>Going one better, because he always did, Spike showed her. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, the fingers of his right hand tangling in her hair while his left hand trailed the length of her body, making a small detour to cup Buffy’s breast before ultimately coming to a rest at her hip.</p>
<p>She kissed him back, enjoying the relief that flooded her system, but it wasn’t quite right. She pulled back and looked at him for what had to be the thousandth time.</p>
<p>“What?” he asked, eyes momentarily flicking to her neck wound, which she’d actually forgotten about. The lower legs of his jeans were covered in ash – in Harmony’s remains – and he kind of smelt and tasted like a brewery.</p>
<p>Buffy bit her lip. “Let’s, um, not do this here.”</p>
<p>He bobbed his head and followed her out of the cave. She saw his hand twitch and assumed he was itching for a cigarette, but in the next moment he seemed to make a decision and reached out to link their fingers. “Where to? Your place?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Buffy, a little surprised by the gesture. It was small, but somehow felt big. All of her thoughts and feelings started to tumble, one after another, but then– “Wait. We can’t go to the dorm. Willow will be there. B-but my mom’s out of town. You can grab a shower there.”</p>
<p>Spike’s pupils went big at the mention of a shower, no doubt replaying the same memories Buffy suddenly found herself flooded with. He looked thrilled for a moment, a wicked grin playing on his face, then his expression turned dubious. Finally, he cast an eye down at himself and said, “Right, yeah.”</p>
<p>It didn’t look like he’d changed since she’d last seen him, and she had to wonder where he’d been, and what he’d been doing, but also, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, so she didn’t ask.</p>
<p>They walked along, the silence heavy between them, and Buffy asked herself if she was ready to go down this rabbit hole.  </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Fucking hell, but everything was fucking weird. Spike had never got to plan what he’d say to Buffy. He never could have expected all the Harmony shite, and now he was at a loss for what exactly the next step was. A shower, apparently, which was fine. And likely sex after that, which was more than bloody fine, but sooner or later real life would come calling, and Spike couldn’t imagine a version of it where he got to keep Buffy. It was pathetic how much he already dreaded the end – his brief jaunt into Mexico had taught him that he couldn’t and wouldn’t live without Buffy now he’d tasted her. He’d never really expected her to accept him back, so who knew what else could happen? His brain told him he’d likely only get a night with her, or maybe a weekend, but his heart had to hope for more. He just couldn’t see <em>how</em>.</p>
<p>The advice he’d previously given Buffy echoed in his ears, about putting aside the hows and whys and simply letting yourself enjoy the moment, but that was harder now they weren’t so much in the moment as walking towards it in silence, with nothing to do but think and enjoy the feel of her hand in his.</p>
<p>Taking her hand had felt like a risk. Which was ridiculous, because it was probably the least risky thing they’d done since this thing between them had started. Maybe that was it, though. Everything else had been spur of the moment, hot and heavy, and this was somehow intimate. It was real. Was it real for her too? Buffy hadn’t pulled away. Hadn’t argued when he’d slapped the ‘dating’ label on them.</p>
<p>Fuck. Whatever else, Spike was too much in his head. On another night, in a different situation, this is where he’d stop walking and back Buffy up against the nearest available wall, put all his effort into bringing her off. Maybe even getting some release himself. But this wasn’t that. This was something he didn’t have a script for, and that was the bloody problem. He was off balance, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it was terrifying.</p>
<p>William the fucking Bloody, who had laid waste to half of Europe, spent over a hundred years entrenched in death and destruction, was scared most by the thought of cosying up to the  short blonde beside him. It was laughable.</p>
<p>He looked over at her and instinctively took a breath because god, she was glorious. Her pulse thrummed against his palm and he lost himself in listening to it. At some point, he must have closed his eyes to fully focus on the sound, because the next thing he knew, Buffy had stopped and was pulling away again.</p>
<p>Spike blinked at her, surprised to see they’d arrived. He watched as Buffy slipped her key in the lock, her hands shaking, and followed her inside like a puppy dog, feeling warmed at the fact his previous invite still stood.</p>
<p>“The, um….” She nibbled her lip for a second, then ploughed on. “Bathroom’s upstairs. We don’t have any guy shower gel, or deodorant, but there’s regular soap that’s mostly unscented and you can use my gel, if you want, but you, um… you can choose. There’s no, uh, pressure or whatever.” She cringed but just kept on going. “There should be a pack of new toothbrushes under the sink, toothpaste in the cabinet above a-and I can just take your clothes.”</p>
<p>He tilted his head to the side, wondering what that last bit was about but not wanting to interrupt. Slayer was damn cute when she rambled. And true to form, she clarified on the next breath that she intended to wash them in the basement downstairs. He tried to mask his disappointment at her not joining him, but she had a point she was delicately dancing around, which was that he was still covered in eau de dive bar.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said, conceding to her practicalities, but he couldn’t resist making her eyes bug out of her head by stripping off right there in the hallway and making his way upstairs in the nude. The sound of her heartbeat ratcheting up replayed in his head as he soaped himself down and he couldn’t stop grinning to himself at the thought of getting dirty all over again.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Buffy tried valiantly to get hold of herself, but it was hard to concentrate on the infinitely less interesting tasks of measuring detergent and making sure she’d selected the right kind of wash cycle than the fact that Spike was upstairs, all naked and wet and – most importantly – naked. <em>Oh, boy.</em></p>
<p>Somehow, Buffy got the wash going, but she wasn’t sure what to do next. They both knew what was going to happen – she wasn’t stupid enough to not know, and denial somehow wasn’t as tempting as it used to be – so did she go upstairs and just sit around, waiting for Spike to be done? It was too late to join him in the shower and she regretted not going in there in the first place, but it was done, now. He’d come out clean and shiny and she should be ready.</p>
<p><em>Oh! I should probably get changed! Or, uh, maybe get naked? Slip under the covers? No, that’s too forward, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s what he’s expecting? Hoping for? What am</em> I<em> hoping for? </em> Buffy felt her head spin. One thing she knew for certain was that she couldn’t very well hover around until the bathroom door opened. <em>I don’t want to look like a freak, just standing about.</em></p>
<p>She went upstairs. Regardless of what the next step was, that first step was clear. She went into her room, because that made sense, too, but then stalled again. She eyed her makeup, considering putting in an effort there, but all of her good stuff was at the dorm, and it would probably get all sweated off, and that would look worse than not having any to begin with and–</p>
<p>Buffy heard the bathroom door open, a lot sooner than expected, and let out a little yelp of surprise. She saw her cheeks turn bright red in the mirror of her vanity and cursed her awkward teenage embarrassment. She was embarrassed about being embarrassed and there was no way Spike was not going to notice. Would it put him off? Would it make him realize that she was too immature and he was better off somewhere else, with someone else? The thought made her feel sick, because as terrified as she was, she wanted this. She wanted <em>him</em>. She, the chosen one, wanted to have hot, sweaty sex with a soulless creature of the night. Not that he sweated, but she could and hopefully would, but in a good way. It wasn’t like she liked sweat, or anything, that was gross. But the making of it could be fun and– <em>oh, boy, I’m way overthinking this!</em></p>
<p>“Slayer?”</p>
<p>“Um, yeah?” She turned to look at her bedroom door and watched as he entered, a towel held loosely around his hips. <em>Gahh, those were some nice hips!</em></p>
<p>“You all right?”</p>
<p>She smiled at him as brightly as she could, but it didn’t hold for more than a few seconds before her eyes closed and she had to give in to the total cringe factor. Again. <em>Maybe this is a mistake. One huge, mega mistake that we should just run away from now before it gets even bigger and– </em></p>
<p>Buffy felt Spike’s lips on hers again. She melted against him, all of her thinky thoughts blissfully vanishing at the touch, and opened her eyes again. There he was, looking back at her intently with his blue, blue eyes. Spike’s hands found her upper arms and as he used them to pull her closer and hold her tight, she heard the sound of his towel dropping to the floor. Buffy looked down, unable to help herself, and – <em>oh, boy</em> – there was the panic again!</p>
<p>Spike let her go and she looked back at his face, trying to figure out the new mixture of expressions there. The annoyance was pretty clear, but also disappointment under that? And maybe… concern?</p>
<p>“Buffy,” he said, and it looked like he wanted to continue and say a whole bunch more, but the words didn’t come.</p>
<p>
  <em>I guess that means it’s my job to say something. It would be a lot easier if he wasn’t naked. But also, a body like that should not be in clothes because wowza!</em>
</p>
<p>She blinked, hoping it would somehow restart her brain, and it seemed to help somehow, because she managed, “I guess I’m not okay.”</p>
<p>Spike blew a breath out through his nostrils. “I thought you wanted this.”</p>
<p>“I do!” said Buffy adamantly, horrorstruck at the thought of the option going away.</p>
<p>“So?” asked Spike.</p>
<p>“So, I, uh….”</p>
<p>“Bloody hell, Slayer. What’s–”</p>
<p>“Buffy,” she said, cutting him off.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Call me Buffy. I don’t want… I mean, I don’t think it should be a vampire/slayer thing.”</p>
<p>He took another deep breath, though this one seemed different somehow. Less frustrated maybe. “Okay, Buffy. Help out a bloke. What’s going on in here?” He pressed the fingers of his left hand to her temple and she leaned into the touch.</p>
<p>Looking down she said, “I’m nervous.”</p>
<p>“Nervous?” He barked a laugh. “Is that all?”</p>
<p>She nodded, still not looking at him.</p>
<p>“But we’ve already–”</p>
<p>“I know!” Buffy’s hands balled into fists. “I know, okay? I feel stupid.”</p>
<p>“Pet,” he said affectionately and stroked a hand through her hair. Then, when she finally dared look up at him again, he detached his hand, took a step back, and swung a sloppy right hook towards her chin.</p>
<p>Buffy ducked it and hit him with one of her one, successfully knocking him to the floor. “What the hell was that?”</p>
<p>Spike smiled. “Getting you revved up, init?”</p>
<p>“What?” Her hands went to her hips as she continued to glare down at him.</p>
<p>He continued to smile up at her, the jerk. “You said you wanted to shag me, and you said you’re nervous, so I’m getting you worked up so the nerves bugger off and we can get on with it.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s mouth hung open. He was deranged. And what’s more, she was deranged for even thinking he might be okay enough to try things with. But he so was not, he–</p>
<p>He was now looking back at her with as much uncertainty as she’d had a minute ago. The smile was gone and he just seemed… confused. “You said you wanted to fight.”</p>
<p>“I did not!”</p>
<p>“Did too!”</p>
<p>“When?”</p>
<p>Spike got up, she assumed so they could argue face-to-face. “Three days ago, we talked about a truce. You asked if we would still fight, I said of course, and you smiled. You were happy about it. You <em>wanted </em>it.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” That had happened.</p>
<p>Spike raised his eyebrows in challenge. “You changed your mind?”</p>
<p>“Well, no. I… I mean, not exactly. I hadn’t really thought about it, I just thought this would be, you know, different.”</p>
<p>“Different how?”</p>
<p>Buffy threw up her hands and then sat heavily on the end of the bed. “God, I don’t know! I don’t know what we’re doing!”</p>
<p>Spike picked up his towel and half covered himself as he sat beside her. There was a brief hesitation, then he reached for her hand again. “Can’t we just figure it out as we go?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I guess. But I’m not even sure how to do that. I’m so on edge!”</p>
<p>“I can tell.”</p>
<p>Buffy groaned. “This was so much easier before!”</p>
<p>“Thought that, too,” said Spike. “Why do you think I went back to sparring?”</p>
<p>“Sparring?” she questioned, suddenly remembering how shoddy she thought his shot had been. And he’d been using his non-dominant hand, now she thought about it. “You didn’t actually want to hit me.”</p>
<p>“Well, no.” He was looking at her like she was crazy and boy did she feel it.</p>
<p>“Spike, we can’t just <em>spar</em> every time we want to have sex.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Because– because I don’t know, but it sounds weird. Like, not the kind of thing a normal couple would do.”</p>
<p>He chuckled. “It ever occur to you, Slayer – <em>Buffy </em>– that we’re not exactly a normal couple?”</p>
<p>“Okay, point, but….” She turned to face him. “I don’t want us to be fighting. Even play fighting. I mean, maybe sometimes, because it is fun, but I don’t want being with you to be just that.”</p>
<p>Spike frowned, as if seriously considering that. Or maybe like he was doing really complicated math. “We’re so buggered,” he said at last, which was really not what Buffy had been hoping to hear. He was supposed to have plans, and know stuff, and maybe probably a solution.</p>
<p>“Listen,” she said, rallying her bravery one last time, “there’s gotta be other ways to, um, <em>rev up</em> that aren’t fist fights and general threats of violence. If we try one of those, and get past nerves, maybe the nerves won’t be such a problem the next time, right?” She had to hope she was right. If Spike disagreed with her or said they were buggered again, she was going to die of shame and disappointment.</p>
<p>When she studied his face again, Buffy saw his smile was back. That kind of made her want to smile at him, so she did, even if she felt super goofy and a lot ridiculous, which she did.</p>
<p>“Take off your boots,” Spike told her, and she did, because it was a totally okay, non-terrifying small step that she could handle. Spike slid her jacket off her shoulders and she trembled but leaned into where his hands brushed her skin. And then, he kissed her again, and she was convinced that the ‘<em>third time’s a charm</em>’ thing was definitely true, because for whatever reason, it was so easy to get lost in the feel of his lips on hers this time.</p>
<p>They kissed until she was breathless, and dizzy, and dying for more, and then Spike’s lips moved to her throat and his long fingers started undoing the ties of her halter top. When that was gone, he gently kneaded her breasts through the fabric of her bra and lowered his head to suck on her left nipple, then her right, making the material damp and extra puckered. Buffy gasped at the feel of it. Suddenly, it was like every inch of her body was super sensitised. </p>
<p>“Lay back, pet,” he said softly, and she did, watching through hooded eyes as he slipped her pants down her legs then pushed her panties aside and took a long lick of her labia from opening to clit.</p>
<p>“Oh, god!” Buffy lay back more, practically sinking into the bed as her eyes closed and she felt him try smaller, more experimental licks. It was like he was tasting her and, wow, did it feel good. <em>“Ooh, oh!”</em></p>
<p>She felt him smile against her. “Right here, kitten?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” she hissed, so unbelievably grateful they hadn’t given up, because whatever he was doing was worth all of the awkwardness in the world and more.</p>
<p>Spike redoubled his efforts, moving his mouth faster against that one spot, and just when Buffy didn’t think it could get any better, he slid his fingers inside her and – <em>god!</em> – she came all at once in a grunt.</p>
<p>She was so,<em> so</em> glad this had happened; that she could feel this way again. The fact that Spike wanted her to feel so amazing was kinda mindblowing in itself, and added to the mindblowing physical feelings, Buffy didn’t feel like she had much mind left. But even so, she didn’t want to stop. More than that, she wanted to return the favor, and give back as much as she got. </p>
<p>The second she could see again, she stared at Spike in wonder, taking in his grinning face, and the second after that, she pulled him up the bed so he was eye-level with her and rolled them so she could slide on top.</p>
<p>Acting on impulse, she took him the whole way in and ground against him, her chest heaving as she came again. By the time he swore her name and started to pump up in time with her downward thrusts, every last shred of embarrassment was long gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hide and Seek</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike was in heaven. Or as close an approximation as an undead bloke could get. The thought was heretical, and shouldn’t even fit with what he wanted, or who and what he was, but he didn’t bloody care. It was like everything in the world was finally, blissfully right and not as if the Earth had gone spinning off its axis, which is what it <em>should </em>feel like.</p>
<p>Shagging your mortal enemy surely shouldn’t feel so…. He looked over at Buffy in the bed beside him, his breath catching. <em>Perfect</em>, that’s what she was. Bugger all the shoulds and should-nots, he refused to believe that any of what they were doing was wrong. Not that doing the wrong thing couldn’t be <em>extremely </em>fun, but…. He shook his head, trying to resettle his thoughts. </p>
<p>Spike still didn’t think his good fortune would last forever, or even particularly long, but still hoped against hope that it would. As he lay there, just holding Buffy, watching her as she slept, diffuse daylight crept across the room through her curtains and it all felt hyper-real.</p>
<p>He felt entirely lost and entirely found. Both, at once.</p>
<p>And he was terrified.</p>
<p>He’d been terrified before, when having Buffy again was merely an idea – an improbable sliver of a possibility – but the reality was something his brain struggled to find words for. All of his senses were overloaded. Buffy’s scent was everywhere – coming directly from herself, obviously, but also all over his skin and on his tongue; plus a residual, more ingrained smell on every surface of her bedroom. She’d lived there for a few years, not counting time spent away at her current college digs, and it showed. All the elements of the girl and the warrior were dotted about, marking the space as hers. Spike couldn’t think of any other woman who’d have the same combination of <em>New Kids on the Block</em> posters on the walls, stakes in her top drawer, and an assortment of outfits bursting out of her closet that were half aesthetically pleasing and half practical. She had a duality, same as he did, but it was different, too. He didn’t often get to see the person behind the job, but now it was all before him, in sharp contrast, and he was transfixed.  </p>
<p>Spike wanted it – all of it – and terrifying as it was, he never wanted it to end. Just as he thought his musings were going to drive him that last bit ‘round the bloody bend, Buffy stirred beside him and he swore thanks under his breath.</p>
<p>Thoughts and feelings could be dangerous, but <em>actions</em> he knew how to do. Had proven that last night. When Buffy had gotten lost inside her worries, he’d been able to draw her out. Help her focus on the sensation of being touched. Being explored. And now, as her breathing changed, indicating she was slowly rising from her slumber, Spike traced his fingers down her arm, grinning at how the flesh goosepimpled under his touch. His hand trailed lower and he heard, in quick succession, Buffy gasp, her heart rate speed up, and a tiny moan escape her lips. Her legs fell apart, granting him access to continue the journey of his stroking fingers, and his mouth made its way to her neck.</p>
<p>“Oh, god,” she groaned, her body pulsing in time with his teasing movements. “<em>Spike!</em>”</p>
<p>He leaned his head back to look at her more fully but didn’t stop moving his hand. “Yeah pet?”</p>
<p>She groaned again. “D-don’t stop.”</p>
<p>Spike’s tongue rolled behind his teeth. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, and true to his word, put his tongue to better use, lowering himself in the bed until he was eye level with her glorious cunt. He licked and supped, tasted and teased until she came completely undone around him.</p>
<p>Twice.</p>
<p>By the time Buffy had stopped panting and fully opened her eyes, they were bright and she was smiling broadly, even if she still managed to look shy at the same time</p>
<p>“Um, hi.”</p>
<p>“Hello, cutie,” Spike greeted, rejoining her at the head of the bed and pressing a single kiss to her lips. He heard her heart skip a beat. <em>Must remember to bring that line back again.</em></p>
<p>Buffy blushed furiously. “That was, uh… quite the wakeup.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” agreed Spike, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, as if he didn’t have a raging hard-on screaming at him for release of its own. He could tell the moment the Slayer noticed, accidently grazing the tip with her thigh as she shuffled around to find a new position.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she said, her blush deepening. “You, um….” She bit her lip. “We can, uh… deal with that. I just need to….” She slipped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, leaving the sentence dangling.</p>
<p>Spike watched her exit, listened to the running water, and stared in awe as she returned to him, crossing the room even faster than before. The way she jumped under the covers, it was like she didn’t want to be seen, and there was no way he was having that.</p>
<p>In a single movement, Spike whipped the duvet onto the floor, enjoying the thrill of pleasure in Buffy’s startled yelp.</p>
<p>“Gonna get warm,” he said, and she abandoned the protest he had seen building. She reached a hand towards him and he hissed as her palm rubbed the head of his cock.</p>
<p>Her movements were a little shaky – stilted – and Spike had to put all of his concentration into looking at her rather than leaning into the touch.</p>
<p>“Still nervous, love?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” she said, her cheeks still warm. “I’m learning to overcome.”</p>
<p>His chest heaved as her hand slid down his length, then back up. Not knowing where the willpower came from, he put his hand atop hers to still the movement.</p>
<p>“Not doing this just ‘cause you feel you have to, right?”</p>
<p>The very tip of Buffy’s tongue peeked out of her mouth, wetting her lower lip before she said, “I want to. Just, um… kinda new.”</p>
<p><em>Christ.</em> He kept forgetting that. Not surprising, given how much of a natural she was at picking things up, but talent for the practical didn’t mean she had the experience to back it up. Needed encouragement, did his Slayer, and he was more than happy to oblige.</p>
<p>“Doin’ great,” he said, his eyes sliding closed as she began to move her hand again. “No wrong way to give a blow job,” he assured her, even though he knew that wasn’t exactly true, and that her current exploration of fingers might not progress as far as all that. But he’d already said she didn’t have to do anything. Or close enough. She had to know he wasn’t pressuring her. </p>
<p>Not really asking her for anything.</p>
<p>Spike wanted all of Buffy, forever, and in every way. It was an intense want, but that was him all over, wasn’t it? Didn’t do things by bloody halves. Even so, he felt swept away with gratitude that she would deign to touch him at all, to want and explore him back. Heavens knew she was better than him, in every sense, so, no, he wasn’t pushing. Not like that. Ever hoping but not expecting, Spike played it all over in his mind again.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she’d said, the night before. “We can’t just spar every time we want to have sex.” <em>Every time</em>, were her exact words. And she’d gone on to talk about the “next time,” which more than implied she expected it to be more than a single event. She’d even said she wanted being with him to be about more than just fighting. <em>More.</em></p>
<p>It was almost too much to process, in the very best possible way. He had to wonder if he’d drunk something dodgy down in Mexico and wasn’t hallucinating the whole thing. But as Buffy continued stroking him with her hand, giving him a coy look as she slipped to her knees on the bed in front of him, that hyper-real quality of the situation returned.</p>
<p>This was happening. Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, was licking the shaft of his cock and fondling his balls and Spike was worried he might dust he was so happy. She’d gotten him right to the edge when he realized it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. Wanted <em>her</em>.</p>
<p>“Come here,” he said, his voice husky.</p>
<p>She looked unsure for a second but lay down as he’d indicated. Spike leaned over her, catching her lips with his and slid between her legs, drinking in the moan that escaped her. </p>
<p>Neither of them were long in finding their release, but that was okay. It was still early, and Spike had plans to draw the rest of the day out, making the most of having the house to themselves. </p>
<p>As if on cue, Buffy’s gurgling stomach declared it breakfast time. She looked embarrassed, but he found the sound amusing. He wasn’t used to spending so much time with humans. All their little idiosyncrasies and features were a novelty, though not something he thought he’d take for granted. Not when it came to Buffy.</p>
<p>“I love this,” said Spike, reaching out to trail his long fingers across the taut skin of her belly.</p>
<p>Buffy giggled and slapped his hand away. “That tickles.”</p>
<p>“Problem?” he questioned, looking up to her face again.</p>
<p>She smiled brightly, though there was a tinge of self-consciousness in it. “You’re terrible,” she declared, standing up from the bed and dragging him with her.</p>
<p>“Terrible, am I?”</p>
<p>“Uh huh. Terrible and wonderful and….” She trailed off, blushing.</p>
<p>Spike grinned. “Go on, what else?” he teased, but Buffy shook her head.</p>
<p>“If your head gets any bigger, you’re not gonna fit through the door, and Cheerios are calling me.”</p>
<p>She tugged his hand and they gathered enough to cover themselves for the short journey to the kitchen – a sheet for Buffy, and Spike’s towel back around his hips. </p>
<p>Once downstairs, Buffy seemed to temporarily forget her mission, because she turned to Spike and asked, “What’s this?”</p>
<p>He stopped short, feeling his face fall, but before he could spiral too far through worries that she was already questioning what they were doing, she quickly clarified. “Before. You said you love <em>this</em>. I was wondering what your definition was.”</p>
<p>Ah. So it wasn’t just his ego that wanted a stroke. He could roll with that. The only problem was not rolling too far. Because he loved<em> her</em>. He knew he did. But he was also pretty sure she wasn’t ready to hear that.</p>
<p>“This,” he said, squeezing her hand and taking the lead to the kitchen. “Us. You, me. The things you do to me. Things I do to you. The things you are.” He stopped, knowing he was getting dangerously close to the line.</p>
<p>Buffy seemed interested, though. Rapt. Like she wanted him to wax lyrical about all the things she was that he loved in much greater detail. It was a heady, most dangerous request.</p>
<p>“Cheerios,” he said, refocusing them. The sooner she was done eating, the sooner they could be back in bed.</p>
<p>Buffy blinked and it was as if a spell had been broken. She looked momentarily dazed, then seemed to catch herself. “Oh, food. Right.”</p>
<p>Finally, they made it to the kitchen. Spike watched as Buffy got herself a bowl and went through the motions of sustaining herself.</p>
<p>“You want anything?” she asked, almost as an afterthought.</p>
<p>She was a vision, wandering around in just a sheet. One that smelt like both of them. Spike had to swallow before he could answer. “I should probably get some blood if I’m to hang around a while.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s spoon paused halfway to her mouth and he wondered if this was it, if he’d blown it, the mention of blood reminding her what he was; the reality of his needs taking the shine off the incredibly fragile… <em>thing</em> they had, whatever it was.</p>
<p>“What time is it?” asked Buffy.</p>
<p>Spike hesitated, thrown off by the question. He didn’t know where any of the clocks in the house were, assuming it had some, and it wasn’t like he wore a watch, but he took a moment to ponder his own internal sense of how far away the next nightfall was. Which was several hours.</p>
<p>“Still morning,” he assured Buffy, equal parts curious and scared about where her mind had darted off to. “Before noon.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She visibly relaxed. “Cool. We’ve got time.”</p>
<p>He raised an eyebrow. “Something else on the schedule for later?”</p>
<p>“Duh!” said Buffy. “It’s Halloween.”</p>
<p>Huh. Now he thought about it, Spike supposed it was. Hadn’t really been counting the days. “No need to patrol,” he said. “You must know that.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled. “Not patrolling. Partying. Or, more general celebrating, I guess. There was supposed to be an actual party, but Willow said Oz went to help set up yesterday and the guy whose frat house it was supposed to be in had broken up with his boyfriend. He wasn’t really in the party mood after that, so we adapted the plans.”</p>
<p>Spike gaped a little, overwhelmed with not just the minor info dump, but all the questions it flagged in his mind, and most importantly, what it meant. “You’re going out,” he summarized. Damn. He thought he could occupy her longer than a mere twenty-four hours, and now it looked like he wouldn’t even get that.</p>
<p>“You can come,” said Buffy, though she looked unsure.</p>
<p>Utterly miserable with the turn of events, Spike raised an eyebrow and leapt on the unintended euphemism. “We could both come,” he returned. “Can’t say that wouldn’t be better than <em>general celebrating</em>.”</p>
<p>Buffy pouted, seemingly genuinely torn. There was a long pause before she said, “I did promise Willow. And plus, my Mom’s due back before then. So, we can’t stay here.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Spike knew when he was defeated. He went to put his hands in his pockets, then remembered he was wearing a towel and shrugged instead. “Where’s this general celebration to take place, then?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Buffy was way on edge as she stepped out of Spike’s car into the half-filled lot of <em>Sunnydale’s Spooky Center of Fun</em>. She glanced nervously at her date and caught the exact moment he read the sign.</p>
<p>His eyes rolled so hard, they looked in danger of falling out of his head. “I thought you said this place was a laugh.”</p>
<p>“It is,” she protested. “It has a pumpkin patch and a corn maze, plus cotton candy and– oh!” She pointed to a smaller sign. “Face painting.” Spike stared at her and she bit her lip. “Okay, so maybe that part’s just for kids.”</p>
<p>He went to say something – probably a remark about certain fun activities for adults – but Buffy impulsively took his hand.</p>
<p>“Look, I know this is probably gonna be awkward but, um….” Who was she kidding? It was <em>already </em>awkward. And here she was, ready to make it all worse. “The, uh, gang don’t know you’re with me,” announced Buffy, figuring it was best just to get it over with. “When I called Willow and said I’d meet them here, I….” She felt heat flash in her face, probably making it match her Little Red Riding Hood outfit in a so not flattering way. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to say.”</p>
<p>Spike eyed her speculatively. “You figured it would be better for me just to turn up?”</p>
<p>“Well, uh….” She swallowed and had to force herself not to look away. “No?”</p>
<p>He sighed and pulled his hand from hers. “What’s the plan, then?”</p>
<p>Buffy groaned. “I don’t know! I’m like, no-planning Buffy. I just wanted to hang out with my friends, a-and also hang out with you, and I don’t know how the two things fit, but I need them to fit. Spike–” She reached for his hand again. “This isn’t what I’m used to. Last time I tried this with a guy? Major backfire!”</p>
<p>He seemed to take pity on her, because his face softened and he didn’t pull away again. “Early days,” he said, “bound to be teething problems.”</p>
<p>“Right,” said Buffy, hoping that meant things would eventually get better, and also that there’d be minimal screaming in the meantime. She turned back to the entrance and… still didn’t know how to proceed. She couldn’t just walk up to her friends holding Spike’s hand, could she? No. No, she definitely couldn’t. Except… <em>could she</em>?</p>
<p>Spike sighed but pulled her fully into his arms, kissing the worry right out of her brain. “Okay,” he said when Buffy had a brief breathing break, “here’s the plan: you go off and have your fun. I’ll stick to the shadows and have mine. Scoobies will never need to know I’m prowling about.”</p>
<p>Buffy felt dizzy, partly from the kiss and partly at the thought of Spike prowling in shadows. It should scare her – the possibility of him doing anything where she couldn’t see – but she found herself excited instead. “Staying away from me will be fun?” she questioned.</p>
<p>Spike’s face split in a wide grin. He leaned close and whispered in her ear, “Never said anything about staying away,” before dropping her hand again.</p>
<p>She watched as he strode into the Center of Fun all on his own, muttering something about Americans and not even being able to spell. Buffy had no idea what he meant by this plan of his, but the edge she’d felt before had shifted into something much less doom-y.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Spike had initially pegged the night as a disaster, and had been more than indignant with Buffy for inviting him out but not wanting him to actually make his presence known to anyone but herself, but then she’d been bloody adorable, getting worked up about wanting her friends <em>and </em>wanting him, and <em>wanting him</em>.</p>
<p>She wanted him. What else mattered?</p>
<p>If she could reshuffle her plans, so could he. In actual fact, the arrangement as he now understood it could be a stroke of bloody good luck. Oh, yeah, he was gonna have fun all right.</p>
<p>First stop was a drinks cart boasting a small selection of craft beers, where Spike got himself a pumpkin ale. It was a nice enough chaser for the pig’s blood they’d stopped off at the butcher’s for on the way.</p>
<p>Spike took in his full surroundings as he sipped, never once letting Buffy slide off his radar. He watched at a distance as she greeted her pals, then disappeared into a crowd as they headed in his general direction. He slipped into a crowd of his own, staying out of sight, but close enough to trigger the tingle at the back of her neck. He could tell when he’d triggered it because she would shiver and sharply look around only for a disappointed expression to cross her face. </p>
<p>“You okay?” Willow asked.</p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” said Buffy, casually flicking her eyes left and right. “The okay-ist.” </p>
<p>Willow made a ‘hmm’ing sound, clearly not convinced, but didn’t press beyond repeating the question once more as a full game of cat and mouse played out around her, mouse-Buffy gradually becoming more and more agitated. </p>
<p>Eventually, the gang entered the main draw of the place – the corn maze – where Spike’s plan fully kicked into gear. He watched each of them get good and lost, tracking behind Buffy a little ways, only to pull her into a dead end that was nicely shaded from all the ambient lighting, the moment she stepped close enough to the edge of the path.</p>
<p>She gasped as his hands slid around her. Spike pressed a finger to her lips and they listened, silent, to Oz ask the others, “Did you hear that?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” said Xander.</p>
<p>“Hear what?” That was a female voice Spike didn’t recognize. He figured it belonged to the bird in the bunny costume.</p>
<p>“Where’s Buffy?” asked Willow.</p>
<p>“She’s still close,” said Oz, adding, “I can smell her,” after a beat in which everyone likely stopped to look at him.</p>
<p>“Maybe she’s playing a practical joke,” said Bunny Girl. “Or she’s lost.”</p>
<p>“We’re all lost, Anya.” <em>So that was her name.</em></p>
<p>“Fine. But you know what I mean. Lost from us.”  </p>
<p>“I could sniff her out,” suggested Oz, after which there was another pause.</p>
<p>Then Willow said, “No. Buffy’s a big girl. I’m sure she’ll catch up.” The way she said it told Spike that she definitely knew something more was afoot, but he couldn’t concentrate on that too much with the way Buffy was pressed against him.</p>
<p>He hadn’t removed his finger from her lips, but she’d begun nibbling it and <em>gods</em> if it wasn’t the most distracting thing. Spike’s mouth found her throat, where he did some nibbling of his own, until Buffy was shaking in his arms, his finger forgotten.</p>
<p>“Miss me, Slayer?” he whispered huskily. It was everything he could do not to devour her right there and then.</p>
<p>Buffy nodded against him, seemingly struggling for words. Now that Spike’s digits were free, they began to roam, sliding down her sides and under the hem of her short dress.</p>
<p>She gasped again, as if he’d somehow jolted her back to reality, and put a stilling hand on his chest. “We can’t.” </p>
<p>“And why not?” </p>
<p>A low noise escaped her throat, like she was pulling the words from the depths of herself and they really didn’t want to come. “T-they’ll see.”</p>
<p>“Not if we stay here in the shadows.” </p>
<p>“They’ll come looking.” </p>
<p>“We’ll be quick.”</p>
<p>“But….” Her voice was trembling. “They’ll hear.” </p>
<p>Spike leaned closer to her ear. “I can be quiet.” </p>
<p>She shivered against him and he was so sure he’d won her over, but then she swallowed and moved just out of reach. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Spike snapped, pulling a cigarette packet from his coat pocket.</p>
<p>Buffy frowned. “You can’t light that.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck’s sake.</em> “What now? You think your mates will be able to interpret the smoke signal?”</p>
<p>“Uh, hello,” said Buffy, gesturing to their surroundings. “I’m pretty sure corn is flammable.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m</em> flammable,” said Spike. “So what?”</p>
<p>Buffy’s hands went to her hips. “Are you gonna be a brat just because I told you no?”</p>
<p>He met her gaze and held it, but didn’t continue lighting his cigarette. “Not happy about the ‘no’,” he allowed, “but we both know it’s your bullshit reason that’s got me brassed.”</p>
<p>“It’s not– not <em>bullshit</em>,” said Buffy, her voice lowering again for the swear. “And what does ‘brassed’ even mean?”</p>
<p>“Pissed,” said Spike. “Cheesed off. <em>Angry</em>.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She visibly faltered for a second, then rebounded like a pro. “Well, you’re being an ass.”</p>
<p>Spike stepped close again, his own voice dropping an octave. “Oh, you love my ass. Weren’t you telling me, just last night?”</p>
<p>Buffy set her jaw, took a deep breath, and then let it out slow. In the long moment it took to do that, her eyes had softened, never leaving his once. Spike didn’t know what she read in his face, but whatever it was made him uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“I’m not rejecting you,” she said, softly. Not hushed, just sweet. Sympathetic.</p>
<p>Spike eyed her, as unconvinced as Willow had sounded earlier. “You’re not?”</p>
<p>“No.” She stepped back into his arms, linking her hands behind his head. “Just saying not now on the sex.”</p>
<p>“Well….” He struggled to finish his sentence, wanting to argue, but eventually gave it up as a lost cause. Because damn, she’d seen right through him, and he was fucking vulnerable. Everything about Buffy left him wide open, and he was just waiting for it all to come crashing down. </p>
<p>Even so, he couldn’t help but press a little more. Just a bit. “A ‘not now’ means ‘maybe later’?” he questioned. </p>
<p>Buffy smiled and rolled her eyes, decidedly not answering more than that. “I should get back,” she said eventually, though she was slow to disentangle herself. “We don’t want them actually sending out a search party.”</p>
<p>“Want me to bugger off?” asked Spike, resigned to do whatever she asked, even if he still wasn’t happy about it.</p>
<p>“No,” said Buffy. “This….” Her smile turned shy. “You being close is nice. And secluded kissing corners? Big win.”</p>
<p>Spike grinned back despite himself. She really wasn’t rejecting him, just trying to find a balance between sharing herself between him and her friends. Mucking it up, sure, but she was trying. It made him want to try, too.</p>
<p>They parted, him taking a left towards the center of the maze and Buffy following his directions towards her pals. He listened as they asked her where she’d gone, she made pathetic excuses that he was sure only Xander bought, and then started the game up again.</p>
<p>Spike got close, Buffy hung back from her friends, they’d slip away into the darkness for stolen moments at a time only to step apart and begin it all again. It was a dance, and while it wasn’t as half as much fun as fighting or shagging, it was actual fun.</p>
<p>It was near the end of the night when Spike got distracted from his next steps by laughter coming somewhere just off to his right – a different group of hapless teenagers making their way through the plants. It took Spike a minute to figure out what it was about the voice of one of the teens that had grabbed his attention so, but finally it triggered a memory.</p>
<p>That day, on the college quad, just before Spike and Buffy had jumped headlong into their hours-long sexfest, she’d been rejected by some ponce. The same ponce who was now chatting up a different bird, telling her all kinds of shite about living for the moment and empowering choices.</p>
<p>It boiled Spike’s blood.</p>
<p>What was it Buffy had said that day about it all? He couldn’t remember exactly, but could recollect enough to know she’d been hurt. So hurt she’d projected sympathy onto bloody Harmony, of all people.</p>
<p>That would not do.</p>
<p>Ignoring his next opportunity to slip into another secluded spot with the Slayer, Spike decided to avenge her hurt feelings, only remembering at the last moment that he wasn’t supposed to be killing anyone. Bugger. <em>Putting the frighteners on will have to be enough.</em></p>
<p>He followed, walking almost silently until he was close enough to startle the two lustbirds apart with a snarl and flash of fang. The girl screamed and wanker-boy bolted, throwing the bint in Spike’s direction to help ease his getaway.</p>
<p>Tosser.</p>
<p>Spike shook off his bumpies and set the girl upright, telling her it was okay. “Just a magic trick.” He waved a hand. “Smoke and mirrors, for the occasion.”</p>
<p>She nodded, terror still in her eyes, but seeming willing to accept the lie. As she trundled off one way, Buffy came running the other, stopping short in front of Spike.</p>
<p>“What happened? Who was that? There was screaming.”</p>
<p>He debated lying to her, as well, but finally said, “I was teaching some arse a lesson. No bloodshed involved.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Buffy looked skeptical but placed her stake back into her basket of tricks. “You know,” she said, after another beat. “I got kind of adrenaline-y rushing over here like that.”</p>
<p>Spike raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Buffy, her tone forcibly casual as she stepped towards him. When Spike reached for her, she sighed, leaning into the touch with an admission of, “I don’t think this is fun anymore.”</p>
<p>Spike’s heart sank. His whole body went deathly still. “Gone off me already, have you?”</p>
<p>“What?” She leaned back a little to gaze at him, at first perplexed then with that knowing look in her eye again. “No, dummy.” She resettled herself in his arms. “I meant the part where we pull apart and go our separate ways.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” <em>Thank fuck she feels it too. </em>“Seem to have a bit of adrenaline myself,” he noted. “Getting close to the end of the night. Wouldn’t be <em>entirely</em> inconceivable for you to have snuck off to your beddy bye.”</p>
<p>“Maybe….” said Buffy, her finger tracing the line of buttons on his shirt. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if we gave in a little.”</p>
<p>“A little?” questioned Spike, amused now. She was cute, his Slayer. </p>
<p>“Uh-huh. Or, you know.” She bit her lip and looked deep into his eyes, whispering, “Or a lot?”</p>
<p>Bloody hell. That did it.</p>
<p>The heat was practically visible between them now, even with the damn shadows. Spike leaned in and kissed her, putting his whole body into it as his hands made their way to her perfect arse. Buffy’s hands fisted in Spike’s shirt as she opened her mouth, her tongue sliding against his. Then, in the space of a moment, they made the rest of the jump from playing to full-on action.</p>
<p>Buffy literally leapt into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist, straining for purchase against his jean-clad hard on. The sound of her breath, coming sharp and quick against his ear, filled Spike’s head and all he could think about was her. He was surrounded, drowning, and didn’t give a damn who the fuck saw, because he could tell she was right there with him. The denial had bitten them both, and they were done with it. He had visions of them walking out of the maze barefoot and hand in hand, right in full view of open-mouthed Scoobies. They’d smell like sex, which dog boy would notice and inform the rest about, and the secret would be out. No more hiding.</p>
<p>The thought was heady, catapulting Spike right back into a feeling of absolute terror which, mixed with the overwhelming senses of having Buffy in his arms, got him just off balance enough to set an entirely different set of events into motion.</p>
<p>He swayed, Buffy swayed with him, and they both fell. Straight through the corn and into the dirt at the feet of Willow, Xander, Oz, and Anya.</p>
<p>As if that wasn’t bad enough, some overenthusiastic crew of lost laser-tag players stepped out of some other set of shadows and– <em>fucking hell!</em> Spike’s whole body tensed in agony as he was zapped by what was evidently not a laser-tag gun.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Trial by Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy didn’t know what was happening. One minute she’d been caught up with kissing Spike, and then they’d fallen. There had been voices, and footsteps. And now there was pain – pain everywhere. It was hard to think when it felt like her whole body was on fire, but Buffy was dimly aware of the sound of snarling somewhere nearby. She assumed it was Spike, but couldn’t figure out why or how or anything, then–</p>
<p>“Oz!” yelled Willow, and the pain coursing through Buffy stopped. She blinked and tried to sit up, but her limbs were aching. It was like they were weighed down with lead, and– she looked down, surprised to find Spike crumpled underneath her, looking as dazed as she felt.</p>
<p>“No!” Willow cried again.</p>
<p>Buffy’s head snapped up in time to see wolfed-out Oz being tackled by weird commando guys while her best friend shot ineffective sparks at them.</p>
<p>“What the–” began Spike, but Buffy was already up and tackling a solider who had pointed his gun at Willow, while Xander huddled protectively around Anya in her stupid bunny costume.</p>
<p>Lead weight limbs or no, Buffy wasn’t long in disabling the commandos – ripping their guns from their arms, knocking them in the head with them, and then bending all but one beyond use. She approached the still-snarling wolf.</p>
<p>She didn’t know how he changed or why, but that could be figured out when everyone was safe. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Oz,” Buffy told him, using the remaining undamaged Taser to incapacitate him before he could escape the flimsy net thing they’d put him in. She turned to the gang at large, ignoring the soldiers in their retreat. She’d need to figure out what was up with them, and soon, too, but first things first. “We need to get out of here. Now. Everybody head for the cars. Spike?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Spike helped bundle the unconscious wolf into the boot of his car, then turned to Buffy who no doubt had his next instruction waiting. She didn’t disappoint.</p>
<p>“We need to drive to Giles’ place. He’ll have chains and the tranquilizer gun. Do you know where it is?”</p>
<p>“Do you know what’s happening?” Spike asked in return.</p>
<p>Buffy sighed. “Just another day in my sucky life.” She rubbed a hand down her face and, for a second, Spike actually thought she was going to cry, but she braced herself instead.</p>
<p>“Giles can research,” affirmed Buffy. “We’ll find out who those guys were and what they thought they were doing.”</p>
<p>With this plan in place, she finally turned her full attention on him. It was an afterthought, but given the grave danger they’d been in, Spike figured that was fair enough.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Buffy asked.</p>
<p>“No,” said Spike honestly. He was sore, he was angry, and – though he wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone – he was scared. As a master vampire, he wasn’t used to many things posing him a threat. And anything that could take out him <em>and</em> Buffy, even if it was with technology, had to be downright terrifying.</p>
<p>He’d take the terror of starting a relationship with Buffy over that any day. Because to bugger things up and lose her that way was one thing, but for anything to seriously happen to her–</p>
<p>“Spike?” She was looking at him intently, his own fear reflected in her eyes.</p>
<p>He was heartened by it. Humbled, too. It made him want to fix whatever the fuck had gone wrong, and not just for his own sake. “Come on then,” he cajoled. “Best get this beastie to Watcher Dearest before he gets growly again.”</p>
<p>They got in the car and took off, but not before Buffy leaned over and squeezed Spike’s hand. “Thank you,” she said.</p>
<p>Spike pulled her in close to his side. “Any time, pet.” As initiations into the inner world of a new lover went, the night’s happenings certainly got points for originality.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“And you say they just attacked you?”</p>
<p>Giles had already gone over the full story and was now on to picking it apart, bit by bit, his glasses dangling dangerously from his fingers as he pinched the bridge of his nose.</p>
<p>“Totally,” said Buffy. “From, like, nowhere. They pounced on me and Spike with their Tasers.”</p>
<p>“You and Spike,” repeated Giles, making her skin go tingly. She’d so hoped he wouldn’t pick apart that particular part.</p>
<p>“Um.” She bit her lip. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“And what were you and Spike doing?”</p>
<p>“Well. We, uh… we were….” They exchanged a look, silently trying to decide how best to put it when Xander said, “Kissing. They were kissing.”</p>
<p>“Dear lord,” exclaimed Giles, and then everybody was talking at once: Anya asking if it was a trick for Halloween, Xander generally expressing his disapproval, Willow telling people not to judge and stick to ‘I’ statements even as she fawned over Oz, who was human again but still out cold.</p>
<p>“Do we know why he turned?” asked Buffy, trying desperately to change the course of the conversation. </p>
<p>Willow’s lip wobbled uncertainly. “I… I don’t know. It all happened so fast. The soldiers appeared and hit you guys–” she indicated Buffy and Spike. “I tried to do an off-the-cuff protection spell, which didn’t really work, because I wasn’t prepared and under pressure, you know? A-and then I guess one of the soldiers saw me talking, and my hands glowing, and thought I was a threat, because he came after me. I was tackled to the ground, and then…” Willow looked back down at Oz, where a bruise was still in the process of blooming across the side of his face. </p>
<p>“He went into protective mode,” said Anya, like it was the most reasonable, expected thing in the world. “It happens.” </p>
<p>“It does?” Giles and Xander asked at once. </p>
<p>Anya shrugged. “Sure. His little wolfy brain probably has Willow coded as his mate. If he thought she was in danger, of course it would trigger the emotional response needed for him to change.” </p>
<p>Giles gaped at her. “You– you’re saying this kind of thing has been known to happen before?” he questioned. “Without there being a full moon?” </p>
<p>“Sure,” Anya said again, and Buffy could just see the cogs whirring away in Giles’ brain as he reevaluated her. He’d probably ask for her opinion on all of his watcher’s diaries by the end of the week. Really, the fact that it hadn’t occurred to him before to mine her thousand years of demon knowledge was surprising to Buffy, now she thought about it. </p>
<p>“But Oz has been in emotional, high stakes situations before,” she pointed out. “Why is this time different?” </p>
<p>“The blood,” said Spike, gesturing at Willow, who looked down at her arm.</p>
<p>“Huh. I didn’t even notice getting cut. I guess in the scuffle, I got nicked. But it’s only tiny.” </p>
<p>“Wouldn’t matter to the wolf,” said Spike. “He literally smelt blood in the air. <em>Your</em> blood matched with the scent of your fear.” </p>
<p>Buffy considered him, taking in how casually he spoke about it, the same way Anya did. Violence and blood and protection really was normal for them. </p>
<p>Just like it was normal for her. </p>
<p>“Wait a second,” said Xander. “We’re talking about Oz here. He’s not really one for the unpredictability and flying off the handle.” </p>
<p>“When he’s human,” said Anya. “But his demon–”</p>
<p>“His <em>demon</em>!” exclaimed Xander, his voice high and eyes wide. “He doesn’t have a demon, he’s Oz!” </p>
<p>Willow frowned at him. “You’ve known he’s a werewolf for as long as I have.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, but–” Xander stammered, cutting himself off to clear his throat. He started rubbing at the pizza stains on his shirt. “I guess I didn’t really think about it in those terms, I mean–”</p>
<p>“He’s Oz,” Anya finished, patting his shoulder. “We know. You’ve said.” </p>
<p>“Clearly this needs more investigation,” said Giles. </p>
<p>“Fine,” said Buffy. “But can we focus, first? Bad guys. Big guns. Us all in danger.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t we more in danger from your new boyfriend?” asked Xander. “I mean, you got Giles to invite him in here. He could turn on us any second.”</p>
<p>Buffy did her best not to groan. Xander just had to take all his stupid anxiety about Oz and make it about Spike. “He won’t,” she said.</p>
<p>“How do you know?” asked Giles.</p>
<p>She felt her mouth go dry. How could she explain it? That he’d promised not to kill anyone so that they could be together? It sounded… a few words flitted through her head, but none of them fit the end of that sentence right. And it didn’t matter, because Buffy was almost certain they weren’t going to believe her anyway.</p>
<p>“Gave the Slayer my word,” said Spike.</p>
<p>“Well excuse me for pointing out that doesn’t mean very much,” said Xander. “I mean, come on, Buffy. He’s a vampire. Haven’t we been through this with your last boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Hey!” snapped Spike as Buffy flinched a little. Sometimes Xander’s barbs stung more than he realized.  </p>
<p>Buffy put a hand on Spike’s arm and gave him a look that she hoped said, ‘I’ll handle this.’ He seemed to interpret it okay, because he sat further back in his chair. Even if he still looked mega pissed.</p>
<p>“The whole Angel thing?” said Buffy, now addressing her friends. “When I fought him, when he had no soul. Spike helped me. We had a truce.”</p>
<p>Now Willow looked stung. “You didn’t say anything,” she said, her voice small. “Have you two been together since then? But what about–”</p>
<p>“No,” said Buffy, swiftly cutting off that line of thought. One ‘what if’ could easily turn into a hundred if left unattended. This, she knew from experience. “It’s just an example. To show that, even when he wasn’t on our side, he didn’t let me down.”</p>
<p>Giles frowned and got Buffy to go over the specifics of that in detail. Then, “I see,” he said at last.</p>
<p>“I don’t,” said Xander.</p>
<p>“I don’t either,” agreed Willow. “But….” She looked uncertainly between Buffy and Spike, then back down at Oz. “I still think we shouldn’t judge.”</p>
<p>Silence followed the pronouncement, after which Buffy asked if they could <em>please</em> get on with the research. Something she honestly never thought she’d beg for.</p>
<p>Giles sighed and put his glasses back on. “While I do feel that Spike being included in our number is another matter for further discussion, Buffy is right. These commandos – whoever they are – seem to pose a greater threat just this moment.”</p>
<p>He started passing out books and Buffy felt her shoulders relax, at least until he pulled Spike into the kitchen on the premise of helping to make tea. Buffy bet there would be a whole bunch of revisiting of the Spike topic, but Giles had invited him in when she’d asked, and they both exited the kitchen quickly enough again now – with neither of them bleeding – so maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as she first thought.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was surreal, sitting in on one of Buffy’s Scooby meetings. This was the crack team that foiled Spike’s every plot, was it? Xander couldn’t get his pizza to go in his mouth without dropping sauce down himself, Anya seemingly only ever talked about sex, and Willow…. Spike didn’t know what to think about Willow. She played the part of being understanding and respectful, but he didn’t miss the confused glances she kept tossing between him and Buffy.</p>
<p>Buffy, Spike had to keep reminding himself, was the whole reason he was going along with this. The reading and the uncomfortable chair and the biting of his tongue, lest one of them take a sarcastic comment the wrong way and stake him. Spike understood that to make Buffy happy, he had to tolerate her mates. He just wasn’t sure why she’d picked such an irritating bunch.</p>
<p>When Giles had taken Spike aside, he’d cut right to the point. “I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that Buffy’s last relationship ended in her stabbing the pillock and sending him to hell,” he’d said. </p>
<p>And Spike had nodded. Clearly Giles didn’t know about the other pillock on the quad, that Spike had already scared off, but he didn’t enlighten him. Didn’t change the fact that Buffy could fight her own battles, at least with nasties, and if Spike stepped out of line, they both knew it wouldn’t be Giles making him pay. </p>
<p>“Understood,” he’d said, and that was that. They’d brought the tea things into the living room. </p>
<p>After a while, dog-boy woke up and started moving around, albeit with a limp. Spike watched him curiously, thinking that his demonic nature must be why Willow was willing to at least try and be accepting of his own.</p>
<p>Oz was quiet, watchful, and – Spike decided – had a touch of insight. Despite his better judgement, he somewhat liked the bloke. And having doubled the amount of people he liked in the room, Spike felt a little more content. He settled further into the armchair, wishing he could pull Buffy into his lap. He read and read until his eyes were dry, and then he read some more.</p>
<p>At some point, Xander groaned and slammed his own book shut. “I am so not finding anything.”</p>
<p>“I must admit I’m not making much progress myself,” admitted Giles. He looked at his watch, frowning. “Perhaps we should reconvene come morning, when–”</p>
<p>“Can’t,” said Buffy, cutting him off. “I have 9am class. So does Willow.”</p>
<p>“All right, well–”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow’s booked pretty solid,” she continued. “But I can swing by after patrol in the PM.”</p>
<p>Giles grumbled about studies interfering with much more important studies but let the matter rest at that. They all got up to leave, and then began an awkward semi-standoff at the door.</p>
<p>“Are you walking back with us, Buffy?” asked Willow, indicating herself and Oz.</p>
<p>“Um.” Buffy bit her lip and looked at Spike. “No, I’ll catch up.”</p>
<p>Xander looked like he was about to say something but was cut off by Giles urging them all to be careful.</p>
<p>“We don’t know what this threat is and so must all be vigilant. Buffy, I trust you’ll take extra care on your patrol?”</p>
<p>“You trust right,” she affirmed, bolting before anyone else could reference the great big elephant in the room again.</p>
<p>Spike followed her out into the cool of the night, holding himself back from taking her hand until they were out of sight from Giles’ front door.</p>
<p>“So,” said Buffy, turning to him, “welcome to the gang.”</p>
<p>Rather than figure out what to say to that, Spike did what he’d been desperately wanting for the eternity they’d been stuck inside and leaned close, ravishing Buffy’s mouth with his own.</p>
<p>She moaned slightly, warmed up under his hands, her breath hitched, and then she pulled away to look around. “Giles was right about the vigilance thing. I – I mean, <em>we</em> – shouldn’t get too carried away.”</p>
<p>Spike pouted but had to concede the point. There was no way he wanted to risk being ambushed twice in one night.</p>
<p>“So where are we headed? Back to Joyce’s or your halls of residence?”</p>
<p>Buffy hesitated and he took a moment to study her face, suddenly remembering she’d said something about her mum being due back at the house, and Willow being in the dorm. Which left them – or, more specifically, <em>him</em> – nowhere to go.</p>
<p>Bugger. There was no getting around it. Buffy had responsibilities and expectations and he had to put up with them as well as her friends and watcher and Joyce. Not that he minded Joyce, but he never wanted to piss her off again.</p>
<p>Much as he hated the prospect, Spike parted ways from Buffy and headed back to the lair he and Harmony had shared. It had turned pink and fluffy in his absence, but it had a warm bed and all of the minions he’d gathered seemed to have cleared out, so he settled in.</p>
<p>What followed the next night was more of the same: disappointment, frustration, endless research, and pointless conversation. Buffy had been stuck in class all day, just as she’d said to the watcher, and her nights were not her own either. Spike did join her on patrol, which was a bit of all right, but she was insistent on them not letting their guard down. Not only did that put a stop to shagging, she barely let herself enjoy a good snog.</p>
<p>On and on went the miserable set of events for a week, Spike hating the circumstances more with each passing second. And yet, despite everything, he wouldn’t consider walking away.</p>
<p>He’d gotten Buffy to date him. It’d be foolish to abandon her once the hard part had been achieved. So, yeah, she came with baggage. And yes, it was driving him ‘round the bloody bend, but it wasn’t like she chose any of it.</p>
<p>Spike promised himself he could be patient. He reminded himself she was worth it every time one of her little pals – almost always Xander – got in his face about their relationship. He almost succeeded in becoming eligible for a sodding sainthood at the end of a fortnight’s back and forth, but then, one day, it was all too much and he snapped.</p>
<p>There had been some kind of muck up at the butchers – a new member of staff who didn’t know they were supposed to keep the blood from the meat, or whatall – and Spike had been left hungry.</p>
<p>Very hungry.</p>
<p>He’d skipped getting his groceries the previous night because he and Buffy had finally caught a lead on the commando arseholes, running into them and then following them back to their digs. From there, the research had intensified back at Giles’ flat and Spike had forgone dinner.</p>
<p>Now, after two days without eating, he found himself completely unable to resist Xander’s snarky, self-righteous shite. Spike stood up and went to launch himself at the boy, only to be stopped by Buffy getting in his way.</p>
<p>Didn’t seem to matter to the whelp. He yelped and cried about being victimized and under threat and unsafe so much Spike considered swinging for him again. Which brought around the ‘how do we know we can really trust him?’ conversation again.</p>
<p>Spike and Buffy shared a look that seemed, to him, to contain all of their combined frustration and heat and sorrow.</p>
<p>Then she turned around to the rest of the group and said, “Hey, what if Spike could prove he’s not gonna turn on us?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Spike did not like the sound of the Slayer’s plan one bit. He didn’t know whether to be comforted or offended about the fact her friends didn’t seem keen, either.</p>
<p>“It’s the only way,” she persisted. “We’ve been spinning our wheels for like two weeks on the commando thing. So, this is the perfect solution. Two birds, one stone.”</p>
<p>“Sending Spike into the soldier’s base seems terribly risky,” said Giles.</p>
<p>“It’s recon,” Buffy countered. “We do recon all the time.”</p>
<p>“But what if he gets hurt?” asked Willow at the same time Anya said, “What if he betrays you?”</p>
<p>Spike glared at demon girl, but she didn’t seem to notice.</p>
<p>Buffy ignored everyone else and looked at him directly. “You can say no. I know it’s a big ask, but will you do it?”</p>
<p>“Risk getting zapped again?” Spike questioned. “Risk getting chopped up and made into dog meat, or whatever the fuck they do with detainees? For you?” He paused and watched Buffy pale a moment, but only a moment. He couldn’t bear to leave her dangling longer. “Yeah, I’ll do it.”</p>
<p>She blinked at him, speechless.</p>
<p>“Is he serious?” Spike heard Anya ask, but he didn’t look at her again. He only had eyes for Buffy. For drinking in every bit of awe and surprise he saw shining on her gorgeous face.</p>
<p>“You did actually listen to the plan?” asked Xander. “Getting captured and taken away just so we can find out what they’re doing.”</p>
<p>Spike finally pulled his eyes away from Buffy to glare at the berk. “You think I’m hard of hearing?”</p>
<p>“I think it’s brave,” said Willow.</p>
<p>“Or stupid,” said Anya.</p>
<p>“Perhaps both,” said Giles.</p>
<p>“Definite proof he’s gonna turn on us,” Xander concluded.</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head and asked Spike if she could talk to him outside for a minute. They went out into Giles’ courtyard and faced each other, Spike expecting her to reiterate the dangers, or maybe say thank you.</p>
<p>He didn’t expect her to pull the Gem of Amara out of her jean pocket and offer it to him.</p>
<p>Spike raised his eyebrows. Watched Buffy watching him.</p>
<p>“Say something,” she prompted.</p>
<p>He swallowed. Measured his words carefully. “This a test, is it?”</p>
<p>“Nope. No test.”</p>
<p>He still didn’t reach for the ring. “Why?”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed. “Because tests are–”</p>
<p>“No,” said Spike, all the confusion he felt making his tone sound off, even to his own ears. “Why are you offering it to me? Why now?”</p>
<p>“Spike, you could have died! If you’d been attacked on your own – if me and the gang hadn’t been right there. Who knows what could have happened? You could be dead. Dust! I want you to do this, but I don’t want you in any more danger than you need to be.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Spike, trying and failing to find a way to express that he needed a little more. Something substantial. He looked at Buffy expectantly.</p>
<p>“We’re together,” she continued. “I….” She didn’t tell him she loved him. No matter how much he hoped she would, and no matter how much more hope her gesture built within him, she still wasn’t there yet. “I don’t want to lose you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but….” His shoulders slacked a little and his voice got a little quieter as he looked at the ring again, just sitting there in her outstretched palm.</p>
<p>“I would have given it to Angel,” said Buffy. “Because he’s good. Because he has a soul, and I trust him, and I want him to be safe.”</p>
<p>Spike’s eyes flicked up to meet hers again, his tone back to confused. “And?”</p>
<p>“And,” said Buffy, “you don’t have a soul.”</p>
<p>He frowned and prepared to argue the nonsense of the point, but she held up a hand, indicating he should let her finish. Spike closed his mouth again.</p>
<p>“If he was good with a soul, and you don’t have a soul and can be good,” said Buffy, “I think that earns you more than a little trust. I mean, I’m used to vampires without souls. Angel without one was probably the worst. But you….” She trailed off, clearly struggling to explain everything she was thinking and feeling.</p>
<p>Spike got it, though.  He’d expected one of the Scoobies to raise the soul issue at some point and had had his rebuttal ready. A rebuttal that wasn’t too dissimilar to what Buffy seemed to have accepted all on her own.</p>
<p>He finally took the ring, slipped it on his finger, then clasped her hand in his.</p>
<p>“I’ll do the mission. Do whatever you want, Buffy. Ring or no, I’m yours.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Intel.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike was late. </p>
<p>He’d gone on the recon mission, as Buffy had asked, and she was waiting for him, and he hadn’t come back yet. She tried not to worry. </p>
<p>It… didn’t really work. </p>
<p>Pacing back and forth across Giles’s living room carpet, Buffy’s mind split, her thoughts going two separate directions at once. One half was worried about Spike, because she’d gotten really attached to him scarily fast, and the other half worried what him failing would mean for the mission. The world, possibly. Because if whatever the soldier guys were doing was enough to take out a master vampire with an invincibility charm, the odds felt pretty bad. Sure, Buffy had faced impossible odds before and come out the victor, but she’d really like to do it with intel about what she was facing in advance of going into battle for once. And an undusty boyfriend at her side would be pretty sweet, too. </p>
<p>Buffy pointedly ignored the Xander voice in her head, nagging that Spike was likely betraying her right this minute. Because she’d been patrolling with him every night and watched him choose that – choose <em>her </em>– over the freedom of going where he liked and taking what he wanted. Even when he had to force down cold pig’s blood and ignore the scratches and scrapes she often ended up with. </p>
<p>There was no long con – no chance he was waiting to get close so he could snap her neck, because he was already close. The closest! And all he did when he got at her neck was kiss it. And it wasn’t like he was just trying to get her into bed, because they’d already done that, and he was still around. Which was more than she could say for her last lover. </p>
<p>Spike really had changed and Buffy trusted him. Which was great and all, but he still wasn’t back. Why wasn’t he back? What had gone wrong? And, god! Why hadn’t Buffy gone with him? She spared a thought for her mother, the queen of always standing on the sidelines while the person she loved went off and did the dangerous part. Experiencing what that felt like, first hand, gave Buffy a whole lot more understanding and respect for Joyce. </p>
<p>She wasn’t sure she had that kind of strength. Pummeling bad guys? That was her bag. But <em>waiting</em>? Gah! Just as she considered abandoning the rendezvous location and striding into the hornet’s nest after her wayward vampire, there was a knock at the door. </p>
<p>
  <em>Finally! </em>
</p>
<p>Buffy leapt at it, the handle groaning under the full force of her palm. She swung the door open and Spike ran in, shut it behind him, and looked through the peephole for a solid minute before turning around. </p>
<p>He was grinning. “Miss me?” </p>
<p>She could have slapped him, but instead fell into his arms at the same time he reached for her. It was all too easy to kiss him after that. Buffy pressed her lips to his, the scent of him heady and strength of his arms welcoming. Yes, she’d missed him. Most definitely. And she wanted to show him just how much, just as soon as they wrapped up the business portion of the night. </p>
<p>“Next time, I’m going with you,” said Buffy, when they pulled apart. </p>
<p>Spike let her go with some reluctance, which made her smile, and came further into the room. “Fine by me.” </p>
<p>They sat on the couch, knees touching. “Okay, good. So, what’d you find?” </p>
<p>He pulled a couple of disks out of his coat pocket and tossed them to her. “The place is called the Initiative and they’re into some nasty shite. Stuff I haven’t seen since Nazi Germany. Labs were cleaner and tech much more advanced, but it boils down to the same.” </p>
<p>Buffy felt all the colour leave her face. “Experiments? Torture?” </p>
<p>Spike nodded. He certainly wasn’t grinning anymore. “All on demons, which I’m betting they reckon doesn’t count as unethical. They mustn’t have meant to taze you, before. They’re building a substantial collection of vamps and clearly wanted yours truly as part of it. You just happened to be attached to me when they pounced.”</p>
<p>Which sucked, thought Buffy. But was also the reason they hadn’t gotten away with it. “What are the disks?” </p>
<p>“No clue,” he admitted. “Could be top secret files, could be Solitaire.” </p>
<p>“Right.” Buffy slipped them into the front pocket of her book bag. “I’ll get Willow to check them. What else?” </p>
<p>Spike detailed some of the surgeries being carried out, and bits and pieces of overheard conversation, which Buffy took note of on the back of her freshly graded psych essay. </p>
<p>“There was one bloke – soldier type. Went by Finn and answered to a short arsed scientist bint. Real sourpuss. Walsh, he called her. They seemed to be the main ones on the ground, orderin’ people about.” </p>
<p>Buffy’s hand froze on its journey across the paper and she looked up at Spike, who had opened his mouth to continue but paused instead. </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“Finn and Walsh? Are you sure?” </p>
<p>“Might have misheard them, if it’d been just the once. But no, few blokes spoke to the soldier and called him that. Walsh had a badge. What’s the significance?” </p>
<p>With numb fingers, Buffy turned her essay over and handed it to Spike. </p>
<p>He took it and scanned the words, his features clouded until his gaze got to the bottom and then flicked back to the top. Buffy could tell the moment he noticed the names written in the header. He looked back at her. </p>
<p>“My psychology professor and her teaching assistant. That can’t be a coincidence. And the entrance we found wasn’t far from campus,” she said aloud at the same time her brain registered the fact.</p>
<p>“There’s another one,” said Spike. “Hatch right by your halls of residence. Probably more.” </p>
<p>Buffy swore. “You came out a different way? Did anyone raise any eyebrows?” </p>
<p>“One bloke seemed ready to question me,” admitted Spike. “Knocked him in the head and shoved him in a caretaker’s closet.” </p>
<p>She frowned, figuring that probably wouldn’t take long to notice on a highly secure military base. “So you bolted for the nearest exit, which was different from the one you came in. You covered your tracks?” </p>
<p>“Walked all around town before coming here, yeah,” said Spike. “Kept changing direction and crossing my own path. No tag alongs.” </p>
<p>Buffy smiled, glad she could be relieved about that if nothing else. Spike was smart and he knew what he was doing. She could appreciate that in a guy. </p>
<p>“Well,” she said, “I don’t know what to do with the news that the people I’m studying under are psychopaths, but hopefully Giles will.” </p>
<p>For the first time that evening, Spike looked around. “Where is the man of the house, anyroad? Would have thought he’d want the details first hand.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” Buffy waved a hand. “The Espresso Pump started a semi-regular open mic night that Giles likes to go to and we pretend we don’t know about. He seemed pretty torn about leaving, but I promised he could interrogate you for as long as he wanted tomorrow.” </p>
<p>“Mighty generous of you, pet.” </p>
<p>“What can I say? I’m a regular saint.” She stuck out her tongue and Spike wasted no time in putting it to use, leaning forward to capture her mouth again. Buffy tilted her face up and put her all into the kiss, the horrible subject matter no doubt driving them both deeper into passion just as a means to escape reality for a much more pleasant experience. Soon, though, Buffy got a little breathless. She had to put a hand on Spike’s chest to push him back. </p>
<p>The grin had returned to his face, clearly unrepentant as he was about getting her worked up. She could barely think straight, damn him. But she needed to. Just for a little bit longer. <em>The mission</em>, she reminded herself,<em> takes priority over hormones</em>. </p>
<p>“Before I drag you back to my dorm, is there anything else important I should know?” </p>
<p>“You got the highlights,” said Spike. “I miss anything while I was gone?”</p>
<p><em>Now, wasn’t that a good question?</em> “It’s actually funny you should ask.” Buffy reached forward and pinched his arm. </p>
<p>“Hey! What’s that for?” </p>
<p>“I got a phone call from my mom. Guess who’s known about us for weeks and has been waiting for me to tell her, getting increasingly mad all that time?” </p>
<p>Spike looked back at her, his face untainted by guilt. </p>
<p>Buffy threw up her hands. “Could you not have at least given me a heads-up you left her a message?” </p>
<p>At this, Spike’s neutral expression turned confused. </p>
<p>“Oh,” said Buffy, “you don’t remember? I’ll refresh your memory. The night we were over at the house. You had a shower and wrote ‘Spike was here’ into the steam on the mirror.” </p>
<p>“Right, that,” said Spike. “Wasn’t a message, really. Not for Joyce, at any rate. Thought it would fade away.” </p>
<p>Buffy flicked him in the forehead. “It did fade away. Until my mom came back from her trip, ran a nice hot bath to relax, and the glass steamed up again.” </p>
<p>“Ah.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, ‘ah.’ Exactly ‘ah.’ I got, like, a total earful!” </p>
<p>“Had it occurred to you that maybe you should have told her?” </p>
<p>Buffy resisted the urge to swat him on the back of the head, because no, she hadn’t. And she totally should have, which really made it her bad. And that’s exactly what her mom had said, too. Plus, if she kept teasing Spike with little barely violent touches, he was gonna boil over and they’d never make it back to the dorm. Which reminded her….</p>
<p>Buffy picked up her book bag and headed for the door. “Upshot,” she concluded, “we’re invited for dinner. Tomorrow at seven. Do<em> not </em>be late.” </p>
<p>--- </p>
<p>Spike resented having to keep his hands to himself as he and Buffy ran at half-speed to her halls. He wanted more than anything to take her then and there, in the grass under the stars, but they were still being vigilant, in case they were spotted and pounced upon. Except more so, because of Spike’s little breaking and entering stint. No doubt the wankers had zoomed in on images of him from their CCTV, printed them up and passed them out. </p>
<p>It was a relief, then, when they got inside. Outside the lift, they shared a glance and silently moved past it to the stairs, instead. They could climb them faster than cogs and gears could turn.</p>
<p>They sprinted down the corridor, Buffy giggling and Spike in pursuit, neither of them looking at anything but each other, now. She fumbled the key from her pocket, unlocked the door and pushed it open. </p>
<p>Spike pushed her back against it, his hands slipping under her jacket as his mouth found her neck––and just as Buffy’s breath hitched against his ear, there was a yelp from the other side of the room. </p>
<p>Spike whirled around, he and Buffy falling apart. </p>
<p>Bloody hell! There Willow was, sitting on her bed wearing a onesie and holding a tissue box. </p>
<p>Buffy shook herself and Spike watched, standing about like a spare part, as she walked the short distance to Willow’s bed and put a hand on her shoulder. </p>
<p>“What happened?” </p>
<p>The witch sniffled and sobbed, eventually getting out, “Oz left.” </p>
<p>“Left?” Buffy questioned. “Why?” </p>
<p>Willow hiccuped and blew her nose. “He– he said he wasn’t safe. Didn’t feel safe, and that I wasn’t safe with him. Not when he can turn into the wolf without the moon.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, sod it all.</em> Spike tried to reach into himself for some sympathy for the bird – gods knew how much experience he had being walked out on – but this was getting ridiculous. It shouldn’t be so bloody hard for two adults to have a night together, should it? He let out a breath and shoved his self-pity down, reminding himself once again that if he didn’t take the Slayer’s mates as part of a package deal, he didn’t get her at all. And she was worth it, his girl.</p>
<p>Buffy pulled Willow to her chest and cast him a look over the top of her head, confirming everything he had already deduced: this was gonna take a while and she needed to handle it. Alone. </p>
<p>Spike gave her a nod and Buffy mouthed silent thanks. He slipped back out the door and down the hall, taking a small amount of comfort in the fact Buffy was as disappointed as he was. </p>
<p>It didn’t stop him taking his frustration out on two fledglings and a trash can on the way home, though. </p>
<p>--- </p>
<p>Buffy was <em>so</em> not happy. She woke up to an empty room and the sound of the phone ringing. Glancing at the clock on her nightstand as she picked up the handset, she was further annoyed to discover how early it was. Before nine, and this was supposed to be her morning off!</p>
<p>“H-hello?”<em> Gotta hate that first-thing-in-the-morning croak in your voice. It just sounds </em>so<em> attractive.</em></p>
<p>“Yes, Buffy, hello,” said Giles, launching into a flood of information without any more preamble.</p>
<p>“Wait,” said Buffy, sitting up with a yawn. “Hang on. What are you saying?”</p>
<p>Giles sighed a long-suffering sigh. “I followed up on what you told me last night.”</p>
<p>Last night. Right. Yeah, she remembered that. The not-getting-to-make-love-with-her-boyfriend, the distraught best friend, and the brief phone call to Giles after Willow had finally exhausted herself and gone to bed, giving him the Cliffs Notes of what Spike had discovered. It all came flooding back to Buffy in vivid technicolor, making her want to sink back under her covers.</p>
<p>“I spoke to Anya, as I said I would,” continued Giles. “I had thought such practices as this lab are carrying out were unprecedented, but wanted to see if she had ever heard of such an occurrence, in her much more expanded experience, and what came of it, if indeed similar events had unfolded before.” </p>
<p>“Uh huh,” said Buffy. </p>
<p>“Well, it turns out she had some rather startling information.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, yay.</em> Startling was <em>exactly</em> what Buffy needed in her life. “What?” she asked, warily.</p>
<p>“Anya told me that Vengeance Demons are expected to do their due diligence before going to seek clients in a new place,” said Giles. </p>
<p>Buffy tried to process that for a second, failed, then said, “Huh?”</p>
<p>“They are required to research the town or city they go to, and are bound to adhere to any laws that place may have regarding demons,” he explained.</p>
<p>“Ooh-kay,” said Buffy. “Demon laws. They’re a thing? A thing we have here?”</p>
<p>“Indeed,” said Giles. “Because of the requirement placed on Anya before she came to Sunnydale, she made enquiries and discovered that there are in fact a number of ordinances in place to protect all manner of demons – so long as those demons abide by the law themselves.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s mouth gaped open. “Anya couldn’t have mentioned this before?”</p>
<p>“Ah, well, I believe she assumed you already knew.”</p>
<p>Okay, that was kind of a fair point. “But why didn’t I know, Giles? That totally sounds like something the Watcher’s Council should have filled a certain Slayer in about.” This was actually pretty serious. Or at least could be.</p>
<p>“I confess, I didn’t know,” said Giles. “Despite Anya’s insistence that such laws are prevalent in a vast number of places – and our own being some of the most detailed and complex ones she’s come across, no doubt due to our previous mayor and founder – I hadn’t ever heard such information. It could be considered a difficult task to seek out information one doesn’t know to look for, but to say so is rather a shabby cop out, and I lay all the blame at my own feet. Except I put in a call to Travers, and it turns out that he and the other higher ups <em>did </em>know, but didn’t consider the laws in accordance with their own code, so simply chose to ignore them. I really am sorry, Buffy.”</p>
<p>She rubbed her temples. It was way too early for such a big chunk of brand new, but also way old and completely infuriating information. “Right,” she said, swimming through the mire of it to get to the heart of the matter. “What’s the upshot?”</p>
<p>Giles paused. “I beg your pardon?”</p>
<p>“How does this affect me?” said Buffy. “Like, going forward. Do I gotta classify every demon I come across before killing it?”</p>
<p>“Ah, well, no,” said Giles. “It seems that any demon that attacks you – or anyone else – is fair game in terms of self-defense.”</p>
<p>Well, that was good if nothing else. She did tend to save her efforts for rampagey and/or apocalypsey demons anyhow. “What do the laws mean for the Initiative?” Buffy asked, still trying to focus on the most pertinent part for now, knowing she’d get sucked into the nitty gritty of finer points later.</p>
<p>“Oh, they’re entirely in contravention of several parts of key legislation,” said Giles.</p>
<p><em>Bingo!</em> “That’s great,” said Buffy. “I mean, it means we can shut them down, right?”</p>
<p>“I rather believe it does,” Giles affirmed. “I attempted to send you the relevant information via email, but utterly failed. Luckily, Anya tells me she was able to wrangle my home computer – the infernal device – and send you all the files you need. If you present them to the people in charge – this Walsh person – notifying them that they must act, I believe I can pressure not only the Watcher’s Council but local and state government to enforce the legislation requiring them to cease operations immediately.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders. She thanked Giles and hung up, resolved to buy Anya something – a nice card, or a candle – for her help, and got up. On Willow’s bed were the disks Spike had stolen from the lab, which Buffy had given to her roommate the night before. There was a neon green Post It on top, with the words, “Was too miserable to sleep, so I checked these out. Jackpot!’ written in tiny, immaculate handwriting.</p>
<p>Buffy’s smile got even wider and she mentally scrapped the card idea for Anya, planning instead taking both her and Willow on a well-earned trip to the local beauty salon for much pampering. </p>
<p>In the meantime, she got dressed and headed to the campus library to print the emails, then went into the next building over, strode into the Psych 101 lecture hall and slapped down the stacks of papers in front of Walsh and Riley, who were at a desk at the front of the otherwise empty room, grading papers.</p>
<p>“What is the meaning of this?” asked Maggie as Riley stood to full attention, clearly wanting to do something, but not sure exactly what that was.</p>
<p>“Read it,” said Buffy. “You like research.”</p>
<p>“Buffy,” said Riley, a hint of warning in his voice alongside what she thought was embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Can it,” she said, not looking at him. “Any desire I had to listen to you stopped the moment you zapped me and my boyfriend, cutting my friend’s arm and attacking <em>her</em> boyfriend. Who’s gone now, by the way. Thanks for that, too.”</p>
<p>“Boyfriend?” Riley questioned as Maggie silently opened and closed her mouth a few times. She started flicking through the top few sheets of paper, but Buffy couldn’t actually bear to wait around until she’d digested the full thing.</p>
<p>“We’re shutting you down,” she summarized. “The demon experiments stop now.”</p>
<p>Riley and Walsh shared a look, they both blustered a bit, and Buffy held up a hand.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to hear it. And you don’t have a choice.” She went to leave and Riley tried to stop her, but she slapped his hand off her arm. “You want to add assault of a human to the charges, too?” </p>
<p>He backed off and Buffy let him. To Walsh, she said, “I have evidence of what you’re doing. And now you know about the laws. It’s your move.” </p>
<p>She strode out of the room feeling pretty badass. Fighting evil with bureaucracy was new territory for her, but she could dig it. </p>
<p>With the Initiative stuff on its way to being resolved, her life actually stood a chance of being pretty simple for a while. Buffy thought about how many more opportunities she’d have to spend time with Spike without having to worry about Laser Tag rejects, and she was altogether feeling pretty damn good, until the Spike thought reminded her they still had a pretty big thing still to face, just on the horizon: </p>
<p>Her mother. </p>
<p>--- </p>
<p>Spike held his back straight and kept his mouth firmly shut as he, Buffy, and Joyce went through the motions of having a meal together. He was opposite the Slayer, her mother at the head of the table – the place of power – and he absolutely did not want to muck this up. </p>
<p>“Will you pass the salt?” </p>
<p>He did so, with a nod. </p>
<p>“Would you like any more wine?” </p>
<p>A shake of his head. </p>
<p>Joyce topped up her own glass, then looked at both Spike and Buffy in turn. “Will one of you say something before I retire?” </p>
<p>“Uh,” said Spike. </p>
<p>“Um, sure,” added Buffy, before they both fell back into silence. </p>
<p>Joyce sighed. “There’s no need to be so nervous,” she said, but Spike’s distinct memory of her hitting him with a fire axe didn’t support that theory. </p>
<p>“How’s the gallery?” he asked, hoping it was a safe enough topic. </p>
<p>“Oh,” said Joyce, relaxing a little. “It’s fine. Sales are down a little, but that’s normal for this time of year. They’ll pick up just before Christmas, then slump again in January. Summer is when things get really busy for us.” </p>
<p>Spike forced a smile and nodded again. </p>
<p>Joyce threw up her hands. “Honestly! I’m not the big bad wolf. We’ve talked before.” </p>
<p>“Not like this,” said Spike. </p>
<p>“No,” agreed Joyce. “Last time, you used words.” </p>
<p>He winced, knowing she was right and the whole thing was bloody ridiculous. </p>
<p>“Look,” she continued, more softly, “I can see making a good impression matters to you, and I appreciate that. It shows you care.” </p>
<p>“I do,” said Spike, his eyes moving to Buffy. He cared for her more than anything. Did she realize how much? </p>
<p>Buffy blushed and focused all of her attention on her next mouthful. He grinned a little to himself in response. </p>
<p>“Well, good,” said Joyce, pointedly pretending not to notice. “I’m glad you care about Buffy. Obviously, I care about her too. I want to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.” </p>
<p>Spike eyes snapped back to Joyce. “I’m not going to hurt her. Swear it on my life. Or unlife, such as it is.” </p>
<p>Joyce smiled and took a sip of wine, sitting back a little to consider him, her plate of food forgotten for the moment. Without taking her eyes off him, she said, “Buffy? How many times did Angel join us for a meal?” </p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes flicked back to Spike for a moment, then her brow furrowed a small frown. “Never. He, um, didn’t really eat.” </p>
<p>“He could have eaten if he wanted,” said Spike, and Joyce nodded. </p>
<p>“I agree,” she said. “But he didn’t want to try. Do you <em>really</em> want to be with my daughter, Spike?” </p>
<p>“Mom,” said Buffy, her voice pleading and heart rate spiking. </p>
<p>Joyce still didn’t look at her. Her gaze was steady as she locked on Spike. </p>
<p>“Already told her I’ll do anything,” he vowed. </p>
<p>“Good,” said Joyce, “because I have ground rules.” </p>
<p>Spike expected her to lay out a string of conditions, with clauses and sub-clauses, but it mostly boiled down to her wanting to be kept in the loop. “I want to be told if you ever break up. Or if either of you are in danger.” She turned to Buffy. “I want to be respected enough to have you not sneaking around. If you’re going to stay here, tell me. No surprises.” </p>
<p>“No surprises,” agreed Buffy, her heart still hammering in her chest. </p>
<p>Spike was foolish enough to have thought they’d gotten away with it and could move on to talking about books or daytime TV when Joyce said, “Now, I’m assuming you two will be spending Thanksgiving together while I’m out of town?” </p>
<p>He looked at Buffy, who stared right back at him. She swallowed, then turned slowly to her mum. </p>
<p>“Is, um, that okay?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Thanksgiving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I only posted the previous chapter of this last night, so make sure you're caught up on that before reading this one. Wanted to share today, for what should be obvious reasons.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything was not bloody okay.</p>
<p>Joyce had gone off on her trip, as planned; Buffy and Spike had enjoyed having the house to themselves for an evening, and that had been great. But then, rather than waking up curled around Buffy’s warm, pliant body on Thanksgiving morning, Spike had been shaken awake by a banshee doing an excellent Buffy impression.</p>
<p>“Get up!” she screeched. “Everyone will be here in just a few hours, and we’re not ready. The alarm didn’t go off. God, I can’t believe this!”</p>
<p>Spike had stared blearily at her and she snapped her fingers in his face.</p>
<p>“Clothes, now!”</p>
<p>He’d cursed, but gotten on with it. Didn’t want to go up against her when she was this brassed off. But no matter what he did, it only seemed to make things worse. First, it was the potatoes. Then the peas. Buffy had been the one to do the shop, while he’d merely tagged along, but she had apparently now decided it was his fault that she got the wrong kind.</p>
<p>He knew she was stressed by cooking a big meal for so many people, and didn’t really mean it, but bloody hell she was a lot to deal with. Bad as a bride at a wedding, she was.</p>
<p>And still fucking glorious.</p>
<p>The real sticking point had been when she’d gone to make the marinade for the turkey and discovered he’d been fortifying himself with the bourbon she needed for the recipe.</p>
<p>“You didn’t!” she said, hands on hips.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you needed it!”</p>
<p>“Why do you think I set it out?”</p>
<p>He looked at her a moment, wondering if he should dare to voice the answer on the tip of his tongue: <em>for me</em>.</p>
<p>Buffy heaved a sigh. “Never mind. I’ll call Giles and get him to come over early and bring a bottle with him.”</p>
<p>Spike figured that meant he could keep supping from the one in his hand, but Buffy snatched it, giving him carrots to peel instead. It wasn’t bloody fair. He muttered as much to himself as he got stuck into his new task, Giles settled himself in the living room, and Buffy went upstairs to change her clothes.</p>
<p>How was he supposed to know? He’d spent a lot of time in the states, yeah, but he was English, and had spent most of his life so far with other people from the UK. Thanksgiving was not something Spike really knew all that much about. At least not first hand.</p>
<p>He bitched up a veritable storm for a solid ten minutes before he heard Buffy descend the stairs again. She came into the kitchen quietly.</p>
<p>“Spike?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, what?” He set the last of the veg on a piece of kitchen roll beside him, rinsed the knife, and reached for a towel to dry his hands before turning to her.</p>
<p>He did a double take, looking all around him for danger. Or maybe hidden cameras.</p>
<p>“Buffy?”</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said again, her voice wobbling in her throat.</p>
<p>She was on her knees down on the kitchen floor, holding out the Gem of Amara.</p>
<p>“What the–”</p>
<p>“Will you marry me?”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was a weird day. Buffy had actually woken up in a really good mood, but after she saw what time it was, all of her happy thoughts vanished. She knew she was taking it out on Spike more than she should, and as she got changed, she’d been thinking of ways to make it up to him. As she walked downstairs, she thought about how good he was for helping her, and what a great boyfriend he was in general.</p>
<p>And then, when she walked into the kitchen and saw him working away, it was like something whooshed through her and she realized how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.</p>
<p>So, she’d done it – just went ahead and proposed. It wasn’t a whim, really. They’d been together for a little while, and she loved him. Buffy had every confidence they could really make it work, long term, and honestly couldn’t picture herself ever regretting it.</p>
<p>Spike stared at her, wide-eyed.</p>
<p>“Say something,” she told him.</p>
<p>His jaw worked for a second before he asked, his voice weirdly quiet and kind of strained, “Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“I am,” said Buffy, feeling tears well in her eyes. She didn’t know yet if they were happy or sad, it kind of depended on Spike’s answer.</p>
<p>He stepped close and took her hand, helping her up. He searched her face, looked intently at the ring, then back at her face again.</p>
<p>Buffy held her breath, every cell in her body on high alert. She really started to worry he was going to turn her down, but then it was like his face opened, and he was smiling, and he was kissing her lips, kissing her cheeks, holding him to her and whispering “yes” into her hair as they both cried.</p>
<p>“Dear lord! What’s going on?”</p>
<p>Buffy turned around to see Giles standing in the doorway, an empty glass in his hands and a bewildered expression on his face. She smiled as she turned back to Spike, slipped the ring on his finger, then held it proudly out for inspection.</p>
<p>“You are not gonna believe what happened!”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Spike could barely believe it was real. He had his arm draped around Buffy’s shoulders as they sat on the couch together, their ring on his finger, and the words of her proposal echoing in his ears.</p>
<p>“Can you get married at night?” she was asking now. “It doesn’t sound like it’s a thing, but I guess if it was indoors, the daytime could work, right?”</p>
<p>On and on she rambled, apparently not actually needing much input from him, just the momentum of her own joy carrying the conversation.</p>
<p>It was the sweetest sound.</p>
<p>Even if Giles kept interrupting to ask if they were “quite certain” and had really “thought it through.”</p>
<p>What was to think through? He loved Buffy. He’d die for her. Was much less of an ask to spend the rest of his days with someone who made him so overwhelmingly, bone-crushingly happy. Because she wanted him! She’d been the one to ask him. All this time, he’d been worried he was more invested than her, but here was proof that, no, they were both in as deeply as each other.</p>
<p>“Oooh! We should totally write our own vows!” Buffy was gushing when the door went and a buzzer went off in the kitchen, indicating it was time to check the turkey again.</p>
<p>Spike went to do just that as Buffy greeted Xander and Anya, telling them the news.</p>
<p>They were suitably stunned.</p>
<p>Anya gave her congratulations after a moment or two spent pondering out loud how vampire/human weddings might work legally, and Xander was uncharacteristically silent for the same length of time, until he burst forth with a string of denials.</p>
<p>He was halfway through saying, “It can’t be,” for the fourth time when he paused again. Spike heard him click his fingers. “Wait a second. Willow!” </p>
<p>“Where is she?” asked Buffy, as Spike finished up with the turkey and reset the timer.</p>
<p>He wandered into the living room, where everyone had sat down, and took his place beside Buffy.</p>
<p>“Willow’s still pretty upset about Oz,” said Xander. “I was talking to her on the phone before I came over. She said she was gonna be late, because she couldn’t handle seeing you two all loved up, and I–” He paled. “I actually defended you guys, and then she made an offhand comment about how you should get engaged.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so it’s a spell,” said Anya, nodding.</p>
<p>“It’s not a spell,” said Buffy.</p>
<p>“Of course,” said Giles. “A spell makes perfect sense.”</p>
<p>Buffy glared at him. “It’s not a spell!”</p>
<p>The door went again and Spike went to it, expecting to find Willow, who could clear up the confusion, but there, on the step, was Angel.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Buffy heard growling coming from the hallway. She abandoned her stupid argument with Xander and went out to see what was going on.</p>
<p>“Angel! What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Me? What’s he doing here?”</p>
<p>“I live here, mate,” said Spike with a grin.</p>
<p>And even though it wasn’t true, Buffy didn’t correct him. They were getting married, so they’d have to find a place together sometime soon, anyway.</p>
<p>Angel looked at her intently, his eyes boring into her as she slipped her hand in Spike’s.</p>
<p>Xander, Giles, and Anya came out into the hallway and everyone took a moment to stare at each other in silence before Buffy couldn’t hold it in anymore.</p>
<p>“We’re engaged!” she blurted, holding up Spike’s hand to show Angel the ring.</p>
<p>His eyes bugged out a little. “Is that the Gem of Amara?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” said Spike, his grin growing ever wider.</p>
<p>Angel turned to Giles. “This is a spell, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Xander.</p>
<p>“No!” exclaimed Buffy.</p>
<p>“Well, kind of,” Xander amended. “They were already dating.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“It’s true,” said Anya. “Buffy and Spike have been together for weeks.”</p>
<p>Angel looked ready to launch himself at Spike, and Buffy prepared herself to jump between them, when a cab came down the street, mounted the curb, and crossed one corner of the lawn before coming to a stop.</p>
<p>Willow jumped out, yelling something about calling it off, undoing it, and wanting her will to be safe again. </p>
<p>Buffy felt a whoosh like she had done on the stairs, only in reverse. She looked around at everyone as Willow came to a stop beside Angel, struggling to catch her breath.</p>
<p>“Slow down,” Giles told her. “What are you saying? What’s happening?”</p>
<p>Willow took three gulping breaths and explained that, the night before, she’d tried to do a spell to help her not feel so broken over Oz.</p>
<p>“Aha!” said Angel. “Spell!”</p>
<p>Giles glared at him, then looked back at Willow. “Go on.”</p>
<p>“Well, I thought it hadn’t worked,” she said. “I was still feeling awful, and didn’t really sleep, so I thought to myself, ‘Self, you deserve to take it easy today. Why not enjoy taking a cab for once, instead of walking?’ But then the driver was rude, and totally tried to rip me off, and I called him a toad– a-and the next thing I knew, he was all small and green!”</p>
<p>Everyone looked toward the taxi cab at once. The driver was human again, and looking mightily confused, but seemed safe enough.</p>
<p>“Willow, really, this was terribly misguided of you,” said Giles.</p>
<p>“I know,” she cried. “I’m sorry. I’ll, like, totally make up for it by cooking the rest of the dinner. Or dessert! Whatever you guys want, I’m sorry!”</p>
<p>“Wait,” said Angel, and Willow looked at him, as if noticing him for the first time.</p>
<p>“What’s he doing here?” she asked Xander.</p>
<p>“I came because I heard Buffy was in danger,” said Angel.</p>
<p>“Oh?” said Giles. “Heard how?”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t have called?” asked Xander.</p>
<p>Angel threw up his hands. “It doesn’t matter. Buffy was in danger, and<em> I</em> saved her.”</p>
<p>Anya scoffed. “You didn’t do anything!”</p>
<p>“Well, she was with Spike because of a spell,” he said. “I pointed it out.”</p>
<p>“Buffy’s been dating Spike for weeks,” said Willow.</p>
<p>The smugness slipped from Angel’s face. He went to say something else, but then Willow’s eyes went wide and she turned to Buffy, cutting him off.</p>
<p>“Oh, my god! What I said about you guys! It didn’t, did it? I mean, did I–”</p>
<p>“Make them magically engaged?” said Anya. “Yeah, you did.”</p>
<p>“Oh!” her face was incredibly pale.</p>
<p>“See,” said Xander. “We got it all cleared up.”</p>
<p>Willow shook her head. “But, Buffy. The words I used!” She turned to Xander. “I said, ‘If she loves Spike so much why doesn’t she just propose?’ right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “So–”</p>
<p>Angel growled again. “You love him? <em>Him!</em>”</p>
<p>Buffy watched all of it play out. She heard the back and forth between all of her friends as she stood there, trying to take it in.</p>
<p>It really was a spell. She’d proposed because Willow had said she should. </p>
<p>Because she loved Spike. </p>
<p>She’d known that for a while, of course, but she hadn‘t told him yet. She hadn’t even told him during the proposal, now she thought about it. </p>
<p>Buffy knew she’d be pretty mad at Willow when she had time to process it all fully – her spell, unintended or not, had been a violation. It didn’t matter that it had a happy outcome, for a while, and maybe still could. </p>
<p>Ignoring the rest, she turned to look at him. He looked… scared. Wary. Kind of broken.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said, barely trusting her voice.</p>
<p>“It was a spell?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Didn’t we just cover that?” said Xander, but Willow and Anya shushed him.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t a spell for you,” said Buffy, realizing the truth of it as she said it out loud. “Willow said I should propose, but you said yes. That–” She swallowed. “That was all you.”</p>
<p>He went to turn away, but she gripped his hand tighter. This whole time, she hadn’t let him go. “Spike, the spell worked because I love you!”</p>
<p>He paused, looked back at her, his eyes searching. They flicked to Willow, momentarily, and Buffy saw her nod from the corner of her eye.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she tried again. “It’s true, I love you.”</p>
<p>“Love you, too,” he said, his voice deep, kind of gravelly, like he was fighting tears. “But–” he looked down at the ring and still seemed broken.</p>
<p>Buffy’s heart broke with him. She couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to be so happy, and then have it ripped away. She couldn’t do it to him.</p>
<p>“Spike, look at me.”</p>
<p>He did, and she stared deep into his eyes, blocking everyone else out.</p>
<p>“Spike, I will marry you. If that’s still what you want. Maybe not soon, and maybe not quite like this, but I love you and I want to be with you. We can’t let this become a horrible thing that can come between us.”</p>
<p>His chest rose as he took a deep breath, the whole expression of his face changing to become something much less devastated. “You love me?”</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“And you’ll marry me?”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled. “Someday, yeah.”</p>
<p>His lips parted in a relieved smile, and then he was leaning in, kissing her, and Buffy was kissing him back, giving him all the emotions that were swirling around her.</p>
<p>She loved him. He loved her. And they were getting married!</p>
<p>Somewhere distantly, the sound of the timer on the cooker dinged and Angel started complaining again, though seemingly to no one in particular, his words getting further and further away as he disappeared back down the street.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue: Solid Ground</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The good news was that the Initiative had ceased operations, like Giles had hoped. The bad news was that they didn’t shut up shop before they shipped out.</p>
<p>They’d just left the demons there, still in cages, for Buffy to deal with.</p>
<p>It had taken her most of a month – because of the demon laws – to do it, but the labs were officially done. Closed. Never to operate again.</p>
<p>The truly unexpected part was when a bunch of the supposedly peaceful demons Buffy had released banded together to try and take vengeance on her for their trauma, as if she’d been the one to capture them in the first place.</p>
<p>That fight had been a hell of a day, mostly because Buffy didn’t want to do it. She didn’t blame them. But, she had a duty all the same. And in the end, it did come down to self-defense.</p>
<p>As for Angel’s warning, it could have been about the demon army coming after Buffy. It could have been about the Gentlemen, who descended on Sunnydale just after that; the demons who tried open the Hellmouth, or a dozen other times she faced the forces of darkness. Because the thing was, he wasn’t wrong. She <em>was</em> in danger. She always was. It kind of went with the territory.</p>
<p>Mostly, Buffy figured he’d just been looking for an excuse to check in on her.</p>
<p>Angel did call ‘round again, to try and talk her out of her relationship with Spike, and that went about as well as expected. Maybe as well as Buffy expected. She wasn’t sure where Angel got his expectations from. He’d left <em>her</em>, for crying out loud!</p>
<p>It was almost kind of funny, how ridiculous he was. And Buffy was mostly over it. Having Spike definitely helped with keeping perspective. </p>
<p>She laughed as he tickled kisses down her breastbone and gently swatted at his head.</p>
<p>He looked up, grinning. The cat that got the cream. </p>
<p>“If you keep going, we’re gonna be late, and Mom is so not gonna be happy if she’s left sitting alone on Christmas morning,” said Buffy, her voice perfectly reasonable despite the fact she didn’t actually want him to stop. “Plus,” she added, “I want presents!”</p>
<p>“Do you, now?”</p>
<p>“Duh!” How could he even ask such a question? Presents were happy little parcels of joy, that even he loved, and–</p>
<p>Buffy blinked, all of her thoughts coming to a sudden halt as Spike reached into the drawer of his nightstand and produced a small, square box.</p>
<p>“W-what’s that?”</p>
<p>“Open it.”</p>
<p>She did, gasping as the light caught the solitaire diamond in the middle of the gold band.</p>
<p>“Is this–?”</p>
<p>Spike nodded, and took it out of the box. “Was your grandmother’s, yeah. Joyce knows it’ll be a little while before we’re down.”</p>
<p>Woah! That was– it was–! “You got her blessing?”</p>
<p>“She might’a pointed out it wasn’t her decision to make,” said Spike.</p>
<p>“Well, no,” agreed Buffy. But still, she appreciated that he had thought to talk to her. And the fact that she had given him her grandmother’s ring. That was huge! Buffy knew that all the awkwardness there had been between them was long gone, and that they got along really well these days – always talking and laughing about something – but this was something extra.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe this! Spike!” Buffy squealed and threw her arms around his neck.</p>
<p>He chuckled. “Suppose I’m to take that as a yes.”</p>
<p>She pulled back to look at him. “Of course it’s a yes! We’ve talked about this.”</p>
<p>“I know, but…” He shrugged, and she reached out to touch his face. Because she got it. Given how things went before, their engagement was kind of informal. He’d kept wearing the Gem of Amara, but that was mostly so he was safe from the sun.</p>
<p>Mostly.</p>
<p>This sealed it for all those other reasons.</p>
<p>“Spike, I love you. I want to do this. Properly.”</p>
<p>He beamed at her. “Come on, then, give’us your finger.”</p>
<p>She held out her hand and he slipped the ring on, the fit perfect. After some more squealing and many, many kisses, they finally went downstairs, where Buffy showed Joyce.</p>
<p>“Congratulations!” she said, hugging her.</p>
<p>They started to get caught up talking about specifics of what he’d said, and what she’d said, and wedding plans, when there was a call from Anya, something about Demon Santa.</p>
<p>Buffy laughed, because it was just so typical.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back,” she told her mom, as she grabbed her crossbow.</p>
<p>“Dinner will be in a few hours,” said Joyce, kissing her cheek.</p>
<p>“I know.” Buffy took Spike’s hand in hers. “Hopefully it won’t take that long.”</p>
<p>They walked outside into the sun, ready to save the world again.</p>
<p>Together.</p>
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